Why we love children ...
1) NUDITY I was driving with my three young children
one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible
ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I
was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from
the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat
belt!'
2) OPINIONS On the first day of school, a
first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The
note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not
necessarily those of his parents.'
3) KETCHUP A woman was trying hard to get the
ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang
so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone.
'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right
now. She's hitting the bottle.'
4) MORE NUDITY A little boy got lost at the YMCA
and found himself in the women's locker room. When he
was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies
grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy
watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the
matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'
5) POLICE # 1 While taking a routine vandalism report
at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl
about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she
asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and
continued writing the report. My mother said if I ever
needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?'
'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,'
she said as she extended her foot toward me,
'would you please tie my shoe?'
6) POLICE # 2 It was the end of the day when I
parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered
my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a
little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back
there?' he asked. 'It sure is,' I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of
the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'
7) ELDERLY While working for an organization that
delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my
4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was
unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age,
particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I
found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a
glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of
questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth
fairy will never believe this!'
8) DRESS-UP A little girl was watching her parents
dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo,
she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that
suit.' 'And why not, darling?' 'You know
that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'
9) DEATH While walking along the sidewalk in front
of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer
that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old
son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that
proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small
box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for
the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was
chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous
dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father
always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto
the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.' (I want this
line used at my funeral!)
10) SCHOOL A little girl had just finished her first
week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she
said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't
write, and they won't let me talk!'
11) BIBLE A little boy opened the big family Bible.
He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages.
Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the
object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that
had been pressed in between the pages. 'Mama, look what
I found,' the boy called out. 'What have you got
there, dear?'
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he
answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'
Maria Sangria "~Phoenix Phyre~" Sparkling
- 16 years, 2 months, 16 days ago