Time for a joke (^^,)Y

Condom Factory burns down in Australia!

Kevin Rudd, Prime Minister of Australia, is awoken at 4am by the telephone.

“Kevin, it’s the health Minister here. Sorry to bother you at this hour but there is an emergency!!! I've just received word that the Durex factory in Sydney has burned to the ground. It is estimated that the entire Australian supply of condoms will be gone by the end of the week!”

PM: “SHIT!!! - the economy will never be able to cope with all those unwanted babies - we'll be ruined!!”

Health Minister: “We're going to have to ship some in from....Britain?”


PM: “No chance!! The Poms will have a field day on this one!!”


Health Minister: “What about South Africa ?”

PM: “I'll call SA - tell them we need ten million condoms; ten inches long and eight inches thick!! That way they'll continue to respect the wallabies!”

Three days later a delighted Kevin rushes out to open the boxes.
He finds ten million condoms, 10 inches long, 8 inches thick, all coloured green and gold with small writing on each one...

MADE IN South Africa
- SIZE: Small
SamSam Please Do not Buy Me Y(^^,)Y - 15 years, 3 months, 13 days ago

This is beautiful! Try not to cry.

She jumped up as soon as she saw the surgeon come out of the operating room. She said: "How is my little boy ? Is he going to be all right ? When can I see him ?"

The surgeon said, "I'm sorry. We did all we could, but your boy didn't make it."

Sally said,
"Why do little children get cancer ? Doesn't God care any more ? Where were you, God, when my son needed you ?"
The surgeon asked, "Would you like some time alone with your son ? One of the nurses will be out in a few minutes, before he's transported to the university."

Sally asked the nurse to stay with her while she said good bye to son. She ran her fingers lovingly through his thick red curly hair. "Would you like a lock of his hair ?" the nurse asked.

Sally nodded yes. The nurse cut a lock of the boy's hair, put it in a plastic bag and handed it to Sally.

The mother said, "It was Jimmy's idea to donate his body to the University for Study. He said it might help somebody else. "I said no at first, but Jimmy said, 'Mom, I won't be using it after I die. Maybe it will help some other little boy spend one more day with his Mom." She went on, "My Jimmy had a heart of gold. Always thinking of someone else. Always wanting to help others if he could."

Sally walked out of Children's Mercy Hospital for the last time, after spending most of the last six months there. She put the bag with Jimmy's belongings on the seat beside her in the car.

The drive home was difficult. It was even harder to enter the empty house. She carried Jimmy's belongings, and the plastic bag with the lock of his hair to her son's room.

She started placing the model cars and other personal things back in his room exactly where he had always kept them. She laid down across his bed and, hugging his pillow, cried herself to sleep.


It was around midnight when Sally awoke. Laying beside her on the bed was a folded letter. The letter said:"Dear Mom, I know you're going to miss me; but don't think that I will ever forget you, or stop loving you, just 'cause I'm not around to say "I Love You" . I will always love you, Mom, even more with each day. Someday we will see each other again. Until then, if you want to adopt a little boy so you won't be so lonely, that's okay with me. He can have my room and old stuff to play with. But, if you decide to get a girl instead, she probably wouldn't like the same things us boys do. You'll have to buy her dolls and stuff girls like, you know. Don't be sad thinking about me. This really is a neat place. Grandma and Grandpa met me as soon as I got here and showed me around some, but it will take a long time to see everything. The angels are so cool. I love to watch them fly. And, you know what? Jesus doesn't look like any of his pictures. Yet, when I saw Him, I knew it was Him. Jesus himself took me to see GOD ! And guess what, Mom ? I got to sit on God's knee and talk to Him, like I was somebody important. That's when I told Him that I wanted to write you a letter, to tell you good bye and everything. But I already knew that wasn't allowed. Well, you know what Mom ? God handed me some paper and His own personal pen to write you this letter.
I think Gabriel is the name of the angel who is going to drop this letter off to you. God said for me to give you the answer to one of the questions you asked Him 'Where was He when I needed him ?' "God said He was in the same place with me, as when His son Jesus was on the cross. He was right there, as He always is with all His children. Oh, by the way, Mom, no one else can see what I've written except you. To everyone else this is just a blank piece of paper. Isn't that cool ? I have to give God His pen back now. He needs it to write some more names in the Book of Life. Tonight I get to sit at the table with Jesus for supper. I'm sure the food will be great.

Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. I don't hurt anymore. The cancer is all gone. I'm glad because I couldn't stand that pain anymore and God couldn't stand to see me hurt so much, either. That's when He sent The Angel of Mercy to come get me. The Angel said I was a Special Delivery ! How about that ?


Signed with Love from God, Jesus & Me.

SamSam Please Do not Buy Me Y(^^,)Y - 15 years, 5 months, 9 days ago

Yet another one of my misheard lyrics crap. Hope it's funny =D Please don't be offended, this is just for laughter's sake. Note: It's NOT a translation though the actions do kind of suit the lyrics... (copied from YouTube)
SamSam Please Do not Buy Me Y(^^,)Y - 15 years, 5 months, 14 days ago

Daddy's car is in the woods. Why?

Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods.Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a
Passionate embrace.

Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could hardly contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother.'Mummy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane.I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, and then he helped her take off her shirt.Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane...'

At this point Mummy cut him off and said, 'Johnny, this is such an interesting story, lets save the rest of it for supper time.I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight.'

At the dinner table that evening, Mummy asked little Johnny to tell his story Johnny started his story, 'I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane.I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt.Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mummy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was away on the rigs.' Mummy fainted!

Moral:
Sometimes you need to just shut the f##k up and listen to the whole story
before you interrupt! Hahahaha :D
SamSam Please Do not Buy Me Y(^^,)Y - 15 years, 5 months, 19 days ago

Here's a smile/laugh for you (whom reading now) (^^,) (part-2)

An old married couple were taking a walk down old memory lane .. they stopped by an old fence they had used back in the day as teens to copulate and looked at each other .. seeing there was no one about they decided to relive their youth.. unbeknown to them the local police patrol car was watching them from a hidden spot in the woods .. .. the old boy dropped his drawers and enter the old gal .. she grabbed the fence and they both started going at it hard .. the police man was fascinated to see the old couple going at it like no tomorrow.......

now 30 minutes and still having it fast and furious the police man is shocked and sort of toots his horn and stratles the couple .. he shouts out OI OI OI .. the couple quickly get dressed and look embarassed .. the police man drives up to them and asks .. so please tell me m8 .. is that Viagra because for an old boy u sure can move ..

the old boy replied well 50 years ago that fuking fence wasnt electrified :D
SamSam Please Do not Buy Me Y(^^,)Y - 15 years, 5 months, 19 days ago