1. Kissed any one of your HP friends? Yes 2. Been arrested? No 3. Kissed someone you didn't like? Yes 4. Slept in until 5 PM? Yes 5. Fallen asleep at work/school? Yes 6. Held a snake? Yes 7. Ran a red light? Yes 8. Been suspended from school? No 9. Totaled your car/motorbike in an accident? Yes 10. Been fired from a job? Yes 11. Sang karaoke? Yes 12. Done something you told yourself you wouldn’t? Yes 13. Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? No 14. Caught a snowflake on your tongue? No 15. Kissed in the rain? Yes 16. Kissed in a pool? Yes 17. Sang in the shower? Yes 18. Sat on a rooftop? Yes 19. Danced on a roof top? No 20. Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes? Yes 21. Broken a bone?yes 22. Shaved your head? No 23. Disguised with paint? No 24. Played a prank on someone? Yes 25. Felt like killing someone? Yes 26. Made your girlfriend/boyfriend cry? Yes 27. Had Mexican jumping beans for pets? no 28. Been in a band? No 29. Shot a gun? Yes 30. Tripped on mushrooms? No 31. Donated Blood? Yes 32. Eaten alligator meat? no 33. Eaten cheesecake? Yes 34. Still love someone you shouldn't? No 35. Think about the future? Yes 36. Believe in love? Yes 37. Sleep on a certain side of the bed? yes 38. Been in a fight? Yes 39. Eaten a large tub of popcorn at the movies? No 40. Have a piercing? yes 41. Have a tattoo? yes 42. Called in sick due to a hangover? No 43. Made a work of Art? Yes 44. Been to USA? No 45. Cut your own hair?yes Vanita "Hot Stuff"Adored
- 9 years, 4 months, 20 days ago
I LOVE THIS COP
A police motorcycle cop stops a driver for running a red light. The guy is a real jerk and comes running back to the officer demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo! So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation. The motorist instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer's ancestry, sexual orientation, etc., in rather explicit terms.
The tirade goes on without the officer saying anything. When he gets done with writing the ticket he puts an "AH" in the lower right corner of the narrative portion of the ticket. He then hands it to the 'violator' for his signature.. The guy signs the ticket angrily, and when presented with his copy points to the "AH" and demands to know what it stands for. The officer says, "That's so when we go to court, I'll remember that you're an asshole!"
Two months later they're in court. The 'violator' has such a bad driving record he is about to lose his license and has hired a lawyer to represent him. On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run the red light. Under cross examination the defense attorney asks; "Officer is this a reasonable facsimile of the ticket you issued my client?" Officer responds, "Yes, sir, that is the defendant's copy, his signature and mine, same number at the top. Lawyer: "Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this ticket you don't normally make?" "Yes, sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an "AH,"underlined." "What does the "AH" stand for, officer?" "Aggressive and hostile, Sir." "Aggressive and hostile?" "Yes, Sir? "Officer, are you sure it doesn't stand for Asshole?" "Well, sir, you know your client better than I do!" Vanita "Hot Stuff"Adored
- 9 years, 5 months, 27 days ago
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the
Man's face was severely burned. The doctor told the
Husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body
Because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate
Some of her own skin. However, the only skin on her body
That the doctor felt was suitable would have to come
from her buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they
would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they
requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After
All, this was a very delicate matter. After the surgery was
completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face.
He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his
Friends and relatives just went on and on about his youthful
Beauty! One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was
overcome with emotion at her sacrifice. He said, 'Dear,
I just want to thank you for everything you did for me.
How can I possibly repay you?'
'My darling,' she replied,
'I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother
kiss you on the cheek.' Vanita "Hot Stuff"Adored
- 9 years, 5 months, 28 days ago
The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from a Union Jack to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance. A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.
Damn, it just doesn't get more accurate than that! Vanita "Hot Stuff"Adored
- 9 years, 5 months, 28 days ago
A woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub... She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. She seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she gently caressed his full beard. "Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no," he replied. "Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said, running her Hands beyond his beard and into his hair. "I'm afraid I can't," breathed the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?" "Yes.. I need for you to give him a message," she continued, running her Forefinger across the bartender's lip and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth
And allowing him to suck them gently. "What should I tell him?" the bartender managed to say. "Tell him," she whispered, "There's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room." Vanita "Hot Stuff"Adored
- 9 years, 6 months, 15 days ago