AUSTRALIA where i live a few brief comments taken from the book "Look, Dad They`re Hanging Grampa" by Gilbert Anstruther 1968
Australia is a commonwealth. This means that whatever wealth you have is common property and, therefore, belongs to the Taxation Department.
The Commonwealth is divided into 8 states---Queensland ,New South Whales, Tasmania ,Victoria ,Northern Territory ,Western Australia ,South Australia and confusion(1)
(1) described on maps as "The Australian Capital Territory" or Canberra
TASMANIA
People who live there do a great deal of swimming by taking 2 steps forward backward or sideways.
This island State has no intergration problem.
They fixed that in the early days when they showed the aborigines who was boss by driving them all into a corner and killing them.
This was effective, until they then discovered they had no one to boss>
CANBERRA
They belive in the little people- ie all Australians not living in Canberra.
The Canberran diet consists entirely of martinis with cheese and gherkin on little biscuits consumed in other peoples sitting rooms
QUEENSLAND
Gold Coast posters give the impression that the whole state is populated by young ladies in microscopic bikinis and have the unsettling effect on the mind.
NEW SOUTH WALES
They have no racial prejudices whatever against foreigners excpet Victorians and people from other countries
VICTORIA
It was founded by Batman who was not related to a later tv hero who wouldnt have bothered "On this spot" said Batman, "we will build a village" And he did> And it is. Melbourne
WESTERN AUSTRALIA
There are lots and lots of buried treasure along the west coast of Aus, and you cant prove it isnt there.
You cant prove it is, either, but thats beside the point. It is WAs only tourist attraction so theyre not likely to lossen a grip on the story.
NORTHERN TERRITORY
It has an AirForce of 3 flying Docs armed with stomach pumps.
it is generaly belived that this is where an enemy would make the first landing.
it is also widely conceded that they would take one look at the damn place, turn around, and go right back home again.
The population of the NT can be counted on the two hands and one foot of the croc hunter.
It is also entirly inhabited by buffalo-shooters and publicans, who, when asked if they`d like a gin, say, "No thanks, I have three already. Im trying to give them up"
SOUTH AUSTRALIA
SA is a satellite tracking station surrounded by nothing in all directions.
It produces mainly saltbush and an urgent desire to move to some other state.
Inhabitents of other states dont fight with South Australians. There arent enough of them to make it interesting.
Most of Aus is covered by gumtrees; but some areas Nullarbor Plain, tried to be different and went too far.
The Nullarbor Plain is so called because it is entirly treeless. Therefore only female dingoes are found there.
Mr FIGJAM "ihihih" Gloomy
- 14 years, 2 months, 3 days ago
