So I was wandering through some tales and found this amazingly funny yet sad tale on the wall of Mr. Martin Aki Tsui.. I had to respond considering it's about "my kind" but it won't be pretty and there will be a lot of women who are angry with me for sharing my input after this.. So without further ado, Martin wrote:
A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around her so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent of the guy going to a job interview and the company saying: You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.
Ok.. My response.. I'm going to be completely honest. This is not a myth, this doesn't happen sometimes. This happens ALL the time. And every girl in the history of the world has done this at least once, probably far more.. And many don't want to admit what they're doing, they'll make every excuse in the book i.e. He wasn't what I usually look for, I didn't want to ruin our friendship, I didn't want to lose him or hurt him, he seems too.. -something-, too sweet, too understanding, too blah blah.. We girls will have every possible reason and they're all complete shit, if you ask me, even though I know I've said a few of them myself.. It irritates me to know I've done it too. I am not to be excluded.. but then again it gives me insight into why we do this and what you boys can do to stop this from happening to you.. Now, keep in mind, girls are weird and what works for one may not work for another as far as hitting on her.. So I'm not going to give you advice on a sure shot way to get the girl but I will give you some definite things that will fuck up your chances..
So, here's my advice to nice guys everywhere.
1. Stop being so fucking available.. Not that you have to stop being nice.. Au contraire.. No.. that's fine, actually it's wonderful. The problem is whenever she wants you to be nice, you are, readily.. You're making it so that she doesn't have to be with you for you to be overly sweet to her.. She can continue dating assholes and run crying and whining back to you when those other boys are being mean. You patch her up, send her on her way, and she does that shit all over again.. Ad infinitum. Sounds like that sucks, huh. If you're busy and she calls because she needs someone to talk to (AKA bitch to), don't cancel your plans to be with her no matter how much you like her. She's just going to bitch about someone else, which leads to..
2. If you like her, don't be the crying shoulder.. Don't help her with advice, don't explain why her boyfriend might be doing things, don't listen to her sob stories.. don't shower her with compliments and advice.. She's just going to wipe her tears and her snot on you, thank you for listening and being such a good friend, disregard your advice and go back to her douchebag boyfriend.. Repeat. The shitty job of listening, complimenting, and giving advice that never gets used is a job specifically made for girl friends.. Don't do her girl friend's job for them.. That's what they're there for. Doing that job automatically relegates you to the "guy friend" position.. I know not being there for her sounds counterproductive.. You want to be there to help her pick up the pieces and set yourself up to be the next in line.. Let's not mince words here. We all know why you're there.. You're not hoping to make her relationship better and stronger, you want her relationship to crumble and fail, old dynasty gone, in with the new. My turn to make her happy.. And I'm sure you could.. Because you've heard her complain so often, you think you know what she wants.. But see that's funny, because if she's in that position she doesn't know what she wants.. And definitely doesn't know who she wants it from. Even if by some miracle she has dumped her loser boyfriend or been dumped and she goes crying to you.. Normally, this turns into a rebound situation.. She's missing the physical contact of a guy.. She decides she wants it with whatever is available.. That just so happens to be you. No!! NO!! You should be screaming.. But you don't because you love her.. you've been waiting for this moment.. You sleep together, it was beautiful.. magic, you think. I'll tell you a secret.. She's not thinking about you, she's thinking about the last time she slept with her ex, and who he's sleeping with now. You were the rebound. You have now lost your chance of dating her.. She may do this again to pass the time while she looks for something better.. But the probability you will date her now is pretty slim. She's using you. When she leaves you, she goes home and calls one of her friends and says something to the effect of "[Your name]'s really sweet but I miss [insert ex's name] so much and I heard he's hooking up with [some sketchy tramp] so it serves him right that I would do the same thing.. But I feel bad, I don't want to hurt [your name]. On the other hand, I kind of think [some other guy] is cute but I think he's with [some other tramp].. blah blah" Yeah.. girls are that vicious.. and it sucks.
-sigh- You poor men.. I do feel your pain. But stop feeling so emo about the girl that doesn't give you the attention you deserve. Here comes the truth, Jeff Foxworthy style.
If she doesn't pay attention to you until something goes wrong in her relationship, you're just a friend.. If she calls you just to bullshit but as soon as her beau calls she hangs up on you, you're just a friend.. If you say something really thoughtful and heartbreakingly intimate to her and she gives you the fake sweet smile and says "Aww.. Thanks.. You're so sweet.." but doesn't say anything more, you're just a friend..
3. Girls want a challenge.. Some girls make the mistake of thinking asshole=challenge. Common misconception. There's a line.. Girls want a guy that has his own life so that they notice when the guy pays attention to them.. The problem is when you fawn over her and make her your life, she gets spooked.. starts to feel suffocated.. "I don't want to be your life.. Just a really big part.." *rolls eyes* Yes, it's ridiculous.. yes it's stupid, possibly even a little contradicting.. Hang out with your friends, ignore her sometimes if you have to do something important, get your work done when you have to, then surprise her with flowers.. then do it again. We love it. Don't make all the time in the world for her.. but show her you think about her on occasion. If she thinks you're her type, she'll try to get you to think of her as much as possible.. But here's the trick: Don't tell her it's working!! For god's sake, don't ruin it!! If it's working, keep going.. If it seems like she's starting to get a little frustrated, give her a little more of your time.. This is something assholes have mastered, The art of pretending to be too busy for her.. Drives a girl crazy. And that! That my friends is why girls go for jerks that don't deserve them.. They've learned the trick of making a girl feel special sometimes.. Too much and the girl gets bored.. They figure there's nothing else to build up to.. and it's true.. You can only go downhill if you start at the top..
If it doesn't work, the girl's oblivious, distracted, doesn't like something about you (and don't even bother asking her about it because girls are notoriously bad about giving a straight answer) or even possibly.. dare I say.. a bitch.
I hope this helps even a single nice guy out there so he doesn't turn into an angry asshole.
Serena "Bellydancer" Frisky
- 16 years, 9 months, 24 days ago
