God I love razor wire. Thank god they invented that before the world went PC.

*imagines*

PC Authority: You want to make wire with barbs on it?
Me: Yes, yes I do.
PC: But... the cows... the horsies... they will get hurt.
Me: Fυck 'em, should stay away from the fences.
PC: No... I don't think so. How about a fence that says 'please back away, you're at the fence now, the other side is wrong for you'?
Me: Err... horses and cows don't speak English.
PC: ... ....... What you're saying to us makes no sense.
Me: Ok. Listen. Horses. Cows... animals like them... some humans even... talking to them, it doesnt work. You need to stab them. To make them not walk into traffic, you know?
PC: ..... ...... no.... that makes no sense at all. We have to refuse your application.
Me: I have a shotgun, you know.
PC: What does that do?
Me: BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM!

*and barbed wire is approved*
Dex "MIA" Festive - 16 years, 5 months, 22 days ago

Puppies aren't meant to fly. This is why man invented the rocket motor. With the addition of a winged helmet, puppies (and indeed, most small mammals) can be launched shrieking through the air for no apparent fault of their own.
Dex "MIA" Festive - 16 years, 5 months, 23 days ago

WHAT COLOUR DOES A SMURF TURN WHEN YOU CHOKE IT?

Smurfs turn a pale powder blue under strangulation or other asphyxiative causes. Smurfs are blue because they respirate using cyanogen instead of oxygen as their respiratory fuel source. Combined with their iron based haemoglobin that is very similar in nature to that in humans, results in their characteristic deep blue hue. Asphyxiation prevents the uptake of cyanogen, which forces the stored gas to be forced out of the cellular structures, rendering them closer to their natural, bloodless flesh tone, which is that of a light beige.
Dex "MIA" Festive - 16 years, 5 months, 23 days ago

Today I saw a dolphin in the sky.

An accidental glance out the window to catch the sunset painting sky and clouds in silvers, pinks and reds; a small shape floating caught my eye. As it moved against the backdrop of a jawdrop sunset, I spent scant seconds trying to work out what it was… then it turned to profile, and it became clearly what it was… a dolphin, a balloon, free and wandering.

Moments became minutes as I watched it swim in air. Birds came to visit, circle, investigate this strange new companion as it twisted on invisible currents. Its silhouette pure black against the most richly coloured sky I’d seen in oh so long. Crossing a silver strand of cloud as it moved on up and up, like its real brethren down below would leap out from a wave… my mile high cetacean, forgot me where I was and took me with it for awhile.

I thought… what a perfect day for it to run away. It could have picked any dreary day to seek its freedom, scudding off into the almost ever present dull grey expanse that usually passes for a sky here abouts. And even on this day, which was glorious, it could have leapt up and away into clear blue… it chose to wait til there were streaks of pink and purple in the air, and swam for those.

Time ran backwards then, to ponder how it got there. Some child somewhere, having lost their hold, freedom being an accident, tears falling from some small face. Probably already drying. Or maybe someone bought it, just to set it free, seeing the firmament so beautiful, and needing it completed with this one small gift.

To he or she that lost or gave it, my thanks went out. I hope I was not the only one to witness it swimming in the sky.
Dex "MIA" Festive - 16 years, 9 months, 2 days ago

There's no such thing as silence. Oh, sometimes, you can't hear any sounds. But the world around you, the universe it's embedded within, plays a never-ending song, in notes so long we few of us ever live longer than a single bar. If we could... be... large enough, live long enough... we'd know, even emptiness sings, and no one is ever alone.
Dex "MIA" Festive - 16 years, 9 months, 10 days ago