One day the Pope is coming to America in his Limo and he said to the driver, "Why don't you let me drive for once." The driver thinks to himself, "Well, I can't say no to this guy, he's the pope." So the driver pulls over and they change places. The Pope was having fun, hauling butt down the freeway, dodging cars. After a while the driver taps on the window and tells the Pope, "Slow down a bit, you might get pulled over." The Pope says, "Ahhh, don't worry about it, I'm the Pope." So he rolls up the window and continues to drive very fast. After a few moments he gets pulled over. The cop walks to the car and the Pope rolls down the tinted window. The cop sees the Pope and says, "Oh, I, ehhh, sorry, can you hold on a minute."
The Pope says, "Sure"The cop walks back to his car and radios back to the station. He says, "Guys I just pulled over someone really important."
-They ask who, "The President?."
-"No more important."
-"The president of another country."
-"No more important."
-"An ambassador."
-"No even more important."
-"Well who is it."
-"I don't know, but the Pope is the chauffeur."
Unknown "MONICA'S LUX." Uncertain - 16 years, 3 months, 3 days ago

One night , in a sleepy town a huge chemical plant exploded into flames. The alarm went off and departments from miles around raced to the scene. After fighting the fire for over an hour the chemical company president approached the fire chief, "All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved! I will give $50,000 to the engine company that brings them out safely!"

At that,the firemen attacked with a renewed gusto. Two hours later they still had not gained any ground. At that, the company president offered $100,000 to the engine company that brought out the company's secret files.

In the distance, the wail of yet another siren was heard and soon another fire truck came into sight. The fire chief shook his head, aware it was that little rinky-dink volunteer fire company composed entirely of men over 65. Much to his amazement, though, the fire engine raced through the chemical plant gates and drove right into the middle of the inferno. He could see the old timers hopping off their rig , fighting the fire with an effort that he had never before witnessed.

Less than an hour later, the fire was out and the secret formulas were saved by this group of volunteers! The chemical company president was so ecstatic he doubled the reward to $200,000! After thanking the volunteers , the chemical company president couldn't help but ask what they planned to do with the reward money.

The engineer (driver) looked him tight in the eye, ready with his answer. "First thing we 'll do is fix the stupid brakes on that truck!"
Unknown "MONICA'S LUX." Uncertain - 16 years, 3 months, 5 days ago

I personally liked this one

Naval Fleet (from Wikipedia)This was a conversation between a US naval ship and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in late 1995.

Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south
to avoid a collision.

Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north
to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees
to the south to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again,
divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: This is the Aircraft Carrier US LINCOLN, the second
largest ship in the United States Atlantic Fleet. We are accompanied with three Destroyers, three Cruisers and numerous support vessels. I DEMAND that you change your course 15 degrees north. I say again, that's one-five degrees north, or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.





Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call
Unknown "MONICA'S LUX." Uncertain - 16 years, 3 months, 5 days ago

Deep within a forest, a little turtle begis to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reaches the top, jumps into the air waving his front legs and crashes to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbs up the tree again, jumps, and falls to the ground. The little turle tries again and again and again, while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watches his sad efforts.

Finally, the female bird turs to her mate and chirps "Dear, I think it's time to tell him he's adopted."
Unknown "MONICA'S LUX." Uncertain - 16 years, 3 months, 5 days ago

This one's hilarious hahaa

Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn't have much luck until, one day;
he comes across a Harley with a 'For Sale ' sign on it.
The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 Years old.


It is shiny and in absolute mint condition. He immediately buys it, and
asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years.
"Well, it's quite simple, really," says the seller, "whenever


the bike is outside and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome.
It protects it from the rain." And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline.


That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her
parents. Naturally, they take the bike there.


But just before they enter the house, Sandra stops him and says, "I have
to tell you something about my family before we go in."
"When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who says
anything during dinner has to do the dishes."
"No problem," he says. And in they go.
Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a Huge
stack of dirty dishes. In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes.
Piled up on the
stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes.


They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word. As dinner
progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation.
So he leans over and kisses Sandra. No one says a word. So he reaches
over and fondles her breasts.


Still, nobody says a word. So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes
off, throws her on the table, and screws her right there, in front of
her parents.
His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid,


And her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.


He looks at her mom. "She's got a great body," he thinks. So he grabs
the mom, bends her over the dinner table, and has his way with her every
which way right there on the dinner table. Now his girlfriend is furious
and her dad is boiling, but still, total silence.


All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain.


Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket.


Suddenly the father backs away from the table and shouts, "All right,
that's enough, I'll do the dam dishes!"
Unknown "MONICA'S LUX." Uncertain - 16 years, 3 months, 5 days ago