yesterday i went to Tempe on the light rail with my friend we had fun while we were their i had her walk me like a puppy by my choker when we were getting ready to leave i saw a family with a baby and for some reason it my heart sank i felt sad i mean i know why i felt sad but it's not something i talk about it make me to sad it makes me miss him to much ....i'm getting off topic well we got on the light rail and their was this cupple the guy wasn't the best looking guy in the world and i'm sure if it hadn't been for his girlfriend i wouldn't have even noticed him but she was so beautiful words cant describe her she was so happy she had a glow about her she was so beautiful she made her boyfriend look beautiful to they were so happy together that they seemed to glow with happiness and love they emitted a warmth that seemed to fill the whole train with their happy glow just looking at them made me feel happy but at the same time i felt sad because no matter how beautiful their love is i do not have nor have i ever had at least in this life have a love nearly as beautiful as theirs is but i do want a love like theirs the entire time they were still on the light rail i couldn't look away from them their love was so beautiful i couldn't look away they had perfect true pure love they had the one thing i most desire and after seeing it it makes me want to have it me it make me want to have love even more but it also showed me that you can have true pure perfect love
Unknown "Buy Me" Hopeless - 15 years, 10 months, 21 days ago

today i slept most of the day and i dreamed for the most part it was an old dream a dream i've had countless times for as long as i can remember. the dream starts in total darkness i'm walking there's a faint light in the black sky it's the moon. it seems to guide me after a little while i hear a man's voice singing a beautiful calming song it's so sad i want to cry his voice is amazing it's indescribable i follow his voice snow starts to fall i continue walking it's freezing it's only then i realize i'm in a beautiful summer kimono i'm so cold and sleepy i want to fall to into the snow and sleep just for a little while but i keep going finally i can see him i can the the man who's singing and he's just as beautiful as his song and his voice if not more so his eyes are so blue so cold and lonely i can see him he's tall and pale he's sitting under a sakura tree he's the only thing i can see him and the tree the moon is no longer in the sky but behind him i'm so sleepy i can't keep my eyes open i'm dizzy but i have to keep going i have to get to him i have to make him smile i have to make him happy i don't know why but i want him to be happy i want to see him smile to hear him laugh as i get closer he begins to smile like he's happy to see me then suddenly my legs fall out from under me it's dark i can feel myself hit the cold snowy ground i can hear his voice i have to get to him i try to get up but everything is so dark it's hard to breath it's so cold i pass out my body is almost dead but all i care about is that i can no longer hear him singing i feel something lift me up it's warm i feel my head rest on something soft and warm i start to wake up my head is in his lap he's smiling all i can do is look up at him slowly i sit up i stay next to him we start to talk to each other and the conversation is something i cannot remember once more i'm sleepy i rest my head on his shoulders and his voice lulls me to sleep i am at peace i'm happy i wake up the dream is over i feel alone but i know that somewhere he is waiting to be found
Unknown "Buy Me" Hopeless - 15 years, 11 months, 10 days ago

right now i'm holding back tears their are so many people i miss i'm so lonely i just want someone who'll really love me someone who'll be perfectly happy just sitting next to me some one that won't make excuses as to why they can't come see me some one who won't send me on a gilt trip every time i want to be around some one other then them when their their because their being emo and i want to go be around everyone i want some one who'll give up everytihng for me that i can love someone i can give my whole heart to i want some one that i can love as much as they love me even if it seem's imposable to them that anyone can love them as much as they love me i want to be happy with someone i want the person that won't just use duck tape to hold the peaces of my broken heart together i want someone that's willing to take the time to heal my broken heart even if it gets shattered again while their trying i want real love i want hte person who completes me the one that makes me feel whole but i just cant seem to find that person
Unknown "Buy Me" Hopeless - 15 years, 11 months, 13 days ago

today i was really missing my niece and in the irony that is my life i found this it's one of the songs i would play for her or sing to her so she would fall asleep and i meant every word of it when i would sing it i can't beleve that it's been over a yer since i saw my sweet little angel i miss her everyday i have a lot of her toys still i've even found myself sleeping with her teddy bears wearing stuff she spit up on that i never got to washing hell i even cry when i see her picture just the thought that i may never get to hold her again breaks my heart i know by the timei see her again she'll be to big for me to hold in my arms any more and that kills me
Unknown "Buy Me" Hopeless - 15 years, 11 months, 21 days ago

lately I've been really down i feel like my life i'm living isn't real like i'm sleeping like somewhere out their is the real me just waiting to wake up and be free again nothing seems real anymore i have lots of time missing i'll sit down on my bed and close my eyes at noon and when i open then again it already 9pm i have faint memory of the missing time but it's not of me it's some one eltz during this missing time if i look in a mirror i have these silver eyes and long dark hair my skin is pail as snow i keep thinking "is that person i keep seeing in the mirror durring the missing time the real me or is this the real me" and if she's not me then who is she and why do i have memoirs from her point of view is any of this real or is it all a dream i just don't know anymore
Unknown "Buy Me" Hopeless - 15 years, 11 months, 24 days ago