My life was on my laptop. My laptop crashed tonight. Therefore, my life is over.

I'm devastated and in a complete state of shock. I'm already dead inside, but I feel like I'm mourning the loss of a very important extension of myself. I'd much rather lose friendships with certain people than lose my beloved laptop.

Oh, the horror at the thought of losing all my pics and docs. I hope and pray someone can fix my computer or get all my stuff off it. Unfortunately, I can't take it into any of those technician places because they always shamelessly go through all my pics. Grrr.

I'm gonna go to bed in tears tonight. =(
Hannah "Sukebe " Evasive - 16 years, 4 months, 28 days ago

What little was left... is gone. Yesterday the last of me died.
Hannah "Sukebe " Evasive - 16 years, 7 months, 28 days ago

I only know of him through you, and that's only through pictures. But, still, I suppose it's only natural I associate him with you. When he walked in my heart skipped a beat or three, and I momentarily forgot how to breathe. I was half-way expecting you to walk in after him.

Seeing him in person made me feel like you were there too. I probably looked as if I'd seen a ghost. Sensing your presence, although through someone I don't even know, was both comforting and painful. I was left yearning for you. Or, rather, the idea of you when you were the person I used to know, not the person you became... when vacationing in Thailand was merely a suggestion, instead of a trip that had already taken place.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't notice your absence from my life or how much I miss knowing you.
Hannah "Sukebe " Evasive - 16 years, 8 months, 3 days ago

"Depression is such a cruel punishment. There are no fevers, no rashes, no blood tests to send people scurrying in concern. Just the slow erosion of the self, as insidious as any cancer. And, like cancer, it is essentially a solitary experience. A room in hell with only your name on the door."

- Martha Manning -


"Suffering is one very long moment. We cannot divide it by seasons. We can only record its moods, and chronicle their return. With us time itself does not progress. It revolves. It seems to circle round one centre of pain."

- Oscar Wilde -


"Depression is a prison where you are both the suffering prisoner and the cruel jailer."

- Dorothy Rowe -
Hannah "Sukebe " Evasive - 16 years, 9 months, 2 days ago

I'm working on my memoirs. To be titled: Hannah, A Tragedy

Today (2/04/08) is the one year anniversary of my accident. I sobbed in my mother's lap - like a little bitch - for three hours earlier this evening. I believe I managed to utter the words, "Mama, make the pain go away."

My therapist always checks in with me, making sure I'm not suicidal. Do you know what I told her the last time I saw her? I said, "I wish I wanted to kill myself. If I did, I'd do it on the anniversary of that accident, and I'd leave a note explaining this: 'I died a year ago in that accident. This is just my physical death.'"
Hannah "Sukebe " Evasive - 16 years, 9 months, 25 days ago