olrite...how do i get the friggin tree????
Unknown "Weekend Paradise" Carefree - 15 years, 4 months, 15 days ago

This is a collection of quotes from letters sent to a landlord from his tenants.

◦"I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall."
◦"In accordance with your instructions, I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope."
◦"This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door."
◦"The toilet seat is cracked. Where do I stand?"
◦"I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen."
◦"Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces."
◦"Can you please tell me when our repairs are going to be done as my wife is about to become an expectant mother."
◦"The toilet is blocked, and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared."
◦"Will you please send someone to mend our broken path. Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant."
Unknown "Weekend Paradise" Carefree - 15 years, 5 months, 16 days ago

◦Lawyer: "And lastly, Gary, all your responses must be oral. Ok? What school do you go to?"
◦Witness: "Oral."
◦Lawyer: "How old are you?"
◦Witness: "Oral."

◦Lawyer: "Could you see him from where you were standing?"
◦Witness: "I could see his head."
◦Lawyer: "And where was his head?"
◦Witness: "Just above his shoulders."

Lawyer: "What is your brother-in-law's name?"
◦Witness: "Borofkin."
◦Lawyer: "What's his first name?"
◦Witness: "I can't remember."
◦Lawyer: "He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember his first name?"
◦Witness: "No. I tell you, I'm too excited." (rising and pointing to his brother-in-law) "Nathan, for heaven's sake, tell them your first name!"
Unknown "Weekend Paradise" Carefree - 15 years, 5 months, 16 days ago

Courtroom Quotations
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The following quotations are taken from official court records across the nation, showing how funny and embarrassing it is that recorders operate at all times in courts of law, so that even the slightest inadvertence is preserved for posterity.

◦Lawyer: "Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?"
◦Witness: "By death."
◦Lawyer: "And by whose death was it terminated?"

◦Accused, Defending His Own Case: "Did you get a good look at my face when I took your purse?"
The defendant was found guilty and sentenced to ten years in jail.

◦Lawyer: "This myasthenia gravis -- does it affect your memory at all?"
◦Witness: "Yes."
◦Lawyer: "And in what ways does it affect your memory?"
◦Witness: "I forget."
◦Lawyer: "You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten

◦Lawyer: "How old is your son, the one living with you?"
◦Witness: "Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which."
◦Lawyer: "How long has he lived with you?"
◦Witness: "Forty-five years."

◦Lawyer: "Sir, what is your IQ?"
◦Witness: "Well, I can see pretty well, I think."

Lawyer: "You were there until the time you left, is that true?"
Lawyer: "So you were gone until you returned?"
Lawyer: "The youngest son, the 20 year old, how old is he?"
Lawyer: "Were you alone or by yourself?"
Lawyer: "Do you have any children or anything of that kind?"
Lawyer: "You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it?"

◦Lawyer: "How many times have you committed suicide?"
◦Witness: "Four times."

Unknown "Weekend Paradise" Carefree - 15 years, 5 months, 16 days ago

Sweat from the trolley." -- From a menu in Europe.
Toes with butter and jam." -- From a menu in Bali.
"Teppan Yaki - Before Your Cooked Right Eyes." -- From a menu in Japan.
Chessburger." -- On a menu in Poland.
"Hod dok." -- On a menu in Poland.
"Turkey meat, salad, and sos." -- A creative spelling of "sauce" on a menu in Poland.
"Limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger." -- From a menu in Poland.
"French fried ships." -- From a menu in Cairo.
"Fried friendship." -- From a menu in Nepal.
"Fried fishermen." -- From a menu in Japan.
"Friend eggs." -- From a menu in Laos.
Children soup." -- From a menu in India.
"Deep Fried Fingers of my Lady." -- From a menu in India.
"Grilled lamp ribs." -- From a menu in Barcelona.
"Vegitational beef soap." -- From a menu in Brazil.
"'Boys style' little chickens." -- From a menu in Barcelona.
"Pork with fresh garbage." -- From a menu in Vietnam.
Unknown "Weekend Paradise" Carefree - 15 years, 5 months, 16 days ago