Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
--Albert Einstein
Dancing: The vertical expression of a horizontal desire legalized by music.
--George Bernard Shaw
Two great European narcotics, alcohol and Christianity.
--Friedrich Nietzche
The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time.
--Friedrich Nietzche
The only time my wife and I had a simultaneous orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers.
--Woody Allen
I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens
--Woody Allen
The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue of Liberty
--Woody Allen
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
--Groucho Marx
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
--Groucho Marx
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