Jeff Norris "♥Mine♥NFS♥" - 12 years, 1 month, 28 days ago

A blonde heard that baths in milk would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.


When the milkman read the note, he felt There must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.


The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?"


The blonde said, "No, I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again."

The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"


The blonde said, "No, just up to my tits.
I can splash it on my eyes."

Jeff Norris "♥Mine♥NFS♥" - 12 years, 2 months, 18 days ago

The seven dwarfs go to the Vatican , and because they are the seven dwarfs, they are immediately ushered in to see the Pope.

Grumpy leads the pack.

'Grumpy, my son,' says the Pope, 'What can I do for you?'

Grumpy asks, 'Excuse me your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome ?'

The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and answers, 'No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome ...'

In the background, a few of the dwarfs start giggling.

Grumpy turns around and glares, silencing them.

Grumpy turns back, 'Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe ?'

The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then answers, 'No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe ...

'This time, all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter. Once again, Grumpy turns around and silences them with an angry glare.

Grumpy turns back and says, 'Mr.. Pope! Are there ANY dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?'

The Pope, really confused by the questions says, 'I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns
anywhere in the world.'

The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling and laughing, pounding the floor, tears rolling down their cheeks, as they begin chanting......
'Grumpy screwed a penguin!'
'Grumpy screwed a penguin!'

Jeff Norris "♥Mine♥NFS♥" - 12 years, 2 months, 18 days ago

A couple had been married for 50 years.

They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says,

'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.'

'I know,' the old man said. 'We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago.'

'Well,' Granny snickered. 'Let's relive some old times.'

Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.

'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly replied,

'My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.'

'I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps.

'One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal.

Jeff Norris "♥Mine♥NFS♥" - 12 years, 3 months, 25 days ago

Bill worked in a pickle factory.

He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day

to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion.

He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.

His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it,

but Bill said he would be too embarrassed.

He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.

One day a few weeks later...

Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.

'What's wrong, Bill?' she asked.

'Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?'

'Oh, Bill, you didn't' she exclaimed.

'Yes, I did.' he replied.

'My God, Bill, what happened?'

'I got fired.'

'No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?'

'Oh...she got fired too.'

Jeff Norris "♥Mine♥NFS♥" - 12 years, 3 months, 25 days ago