MOTHERS
>>
>> Real Mothers don't eat quiche; they don't have time to make it.
>> Real Mothers know that their kitchen utensils are probably in the sandbox.
>> Real Mothers often have sticky floors, filthy ovens and happy kids.
>> Real Mothers know that dried play dough doesn't come out of carpets.
>> Real Mothers don't want to know what the vacuum just sucked up.
>> Real Mothers sometimes ask 'Why me?' and get their answer when a little
>> voice says, 'Because I love you best.'
>> Real Mothers know that a child's growth is not measured by height or years
>> or grade...It is marked by the progression of Mommy to Mom to Mother...
>>
>> The Images of Mother
>>
>> 4 YEARS OF AGE - My Mommy can do anything!
>>
>> 8 YEARS OF AGE - My Mom knows a lot! A whole lot!
>>
>> 12 YEARS OF AGE - My Mother doesn't really know quite everything.
>>
>> 14 YEARS OF AGE - Naturally, Mother doesn't know that, either.
>>
>> 16 YEARS OF AGE - Mother? She's hopelessly old-fashioned.
>>
>> 18 YEARS OF AGE - That old woman? She's way out of date!
>>
>> 25 YEARS OF AGE - Well, she might know a little bit about it!
>>
>> 35 YEARS OF AGE - Before we decide, let's get Mom's opinion.
>>
>> 45 YEARS OF AGE - Wonder what Mom would have thought about it?
>>
>> 65 YEARS OF AGE - Wish I could talk it over with Mom.
>>
>> The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she
> carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen from
> in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love
> resides. The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but true beauty in a
> woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the
> passion that she shows, and the beauty of a woman with passing years only grows!
>>
>> Please send this to 5 women today in celebration of Women's History Month.
>>
>> If you don't, nothing bad will happen, but if you do, something good will: you
> will boost a Mother spirits.
Danielle Simons "Gibbles" Cheeky - 16 years, 2 months, 3 days ago

More Redneck Jokes

You Might Be A Redneck If . . .
. . . you think watching professional wrestling is foreplay.

. . . your front porch collapses and four dogs get killed.
. . . your wife’s hairdo was ever ruined by a ceiling fan.
. . . your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.

. . . you’ve got more than three cousins named “Bubba”.
. . . you break wind in public and blame it on your kid.

. . . you’ve ever had to siphon gas from your lawn mower to put into
your
truck.
. . . you can’t visit relatives without getting mud on your tires.
. . . you’ve ever been to a wedding reception at the Waffle House.

. . . your dog has ever brought home something that you cooked for
dinner.
. . . you have grease under your toenails.

. . . your idea of a romantic evening is sharing the same spit cup
with your
girlfriend at a tractor pull.
. . . your mother has more chest hair than your father.
The Redneck at the Whorehouse

A redneck has five bucks and is horny, so he thinks to himself,
"Maybe I'll
go to that whorehouse I've been hearin' so much 'bout." The redneck
walks in,
approaches a very burlesque, good-looking woman and says, "I've got
5 bucks,
give me your best."
The man is immediately escorted to a room with a mirror, a couch,
and a
chicken in the corner. The woman shuts the door. The man reluctantly
takes the
chicken and finishes his business. He then realized that that was
the best sex
he'd ever had.
The following week, the man brings $10 of his hard earned money, and
offers
it to the woman. He is the whisked off in to a small room with a few
benches
and a double sided mirror. The small room quickly fills with men and
women
alike.
Two women walk into the room that the people are viewing. The two
lesbians
then proceed to make love on the table.
The redneck nudges the man next to him and exclaims, "Damn, for 10
bucks,
this is damn good." The man then chuckles and says, "You should have
been here
last week, we had a man screwing a chicken."



Disclaimer:
If anyone finds my jokes offensive and wants me to stop sending
them, just
send me an email and I will be happy to remove you from my mailing
list.
Thank you,
Paul


AJ



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Danielle Simons "Gibbles" Cheeky - 16 years, 3 months, 3 days ago

so it is two days after my bday, im off from work and dog sitting, majority of my family came to my party yesterday and it was ok, it would have been more fun if the rest of my family came and the rest of the friends came, out of 5 who were invited three people came of my friends. We had a nice time and set off fireworks at night., I am still bummed though
Danielle Simons "Gibbles" Cheeky - 16 years, 3 months, 3 days ago

Well Its My Birthday and I just turned 26 today. So far it has sucked, I don't feel like celebrating anything cause my friends and family really won't be around me, I am single again and this is the first birthday in 3 years that I will be alone. Also I found out who my true friends are and not happy with the result. I got into a fight with what was suppossed to be my best and I wound up crying over everything, she just kept pushing it. I told her from the beginning that I didn't want to be alone on my bday especially being the first by myself and for a whole bunch more reasons and she was too wrapped up in her own life to give a damn. I got really hurt in the result. No one understands why I hate my bday so much, I mean first off who likes to get old, i feel like I am, secondly my good friend died on my bday when i turned 16 coming to see me and I never got to say goodbye, thirdly my grandfather and I used to spend all of our bdays together and since our bdays were a day apart and he passed away when i was younger and it is always hard for me every year, fourthly my sister and her family knew it was my bday and they are going camping rather then spend time at my party and my youngest brother is all the way in oklahoma. And that is only the beginning of my problems. I am stressed out cause all i want is to be happy this year and i am not. In the process I was called bitchy and bitter cause im depressed, im sorry if i never had a good bday and i have reasons to. It seems like no one understands me if people actually think that and especially if you tell the person your fighting with that your crying and they still keep it up. I dunno what to do anymore
Danielle Simons "Gibbles" Cheeky - 16 years, 3 months, 5 days ago

Tasteless Jokes
(Not Offensive)

You Know You're An Old Catholic If:

You still think the secret problem of priests
is alcoholism.

You remember when Nuns wore habits.

You think "No meat on Fridays" has nothing
to do with oral sex.

You remember the days of alter boys instead
of altered boys.

You think "Mother Superior" is more than a
term of hooker endearment.

You think the primacy of Peter had nothing
to do Lorena Bobbit.

You answer "yes" to both: "Does a bear eat
in the woods?," and "Is the Pope Italian?"

You remember the days when confessions
did not start out with: "You have the right to
remain silent."

You remember when a red sash around a
priest's waist did not mean he was gay.

You think a man dressed in black was not
a member of the SWAT team.

You remember when kneelers were in
church, not in the Oval Office.

You remember when Cardinals were
birds of pray, not prey.

You remember when Holy Water was
not from golden showers.

You remember the days before Bingo
was made a sacrament.

You remember when "Love one another"
did not mean "Orgy Time!"

You remember when Amazing Grace was
not the name of every tenth stripper.

You remember when "Father" was a
religious title, not the results of a court-ordered
DNA test.

You remember when "Mother" was also a
religious title, not the first name of really bad
people .

You remember when I could get out of this
joke by saying three "Hail Mary's."

=====

Q. What do you get when you cross a Jehovah's Witness with a Hell's
Angel Biker? A. Someone who comes to your door on Sunday and tells
*YOU*
to fuck off!

Q: How do you recognize a gay Pakistani?
A: He has a red dot on the back of the head.

Q. If a movie with lesbians is named 'Fire', what would a movie with
gay's be named. A. Backfire

Ending a relationship is just like adjusting your underwear: You feel
better when the creep is gone.

Q: Why do blondes cut the strings off their tampons?
A: So the crabs don't start bungee jumping.
[][][][][][][][][][]

Disclaimer:
If anyone finds my jokes offensive and wants me to stop sending
them, just
send me an email and I will be happy to remove you from my mailing
list.
OVER 18 ONLY!


Thank you,
Paul :)

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Danielle Simons "Gibbles" Cheeky - 16 years, 3 months, 16 days ago