I know I haven't been online much recently (sorry guys ><; ) and I'm probably not going to be online much in the next month or so. Finals started this week and go on into next; also, I don't know where I'll be living this summer -- at home, in LO; or here in FG, with Libby and her family, in a slightly awkward arrangement but one that would be absolutely wonderful nonetheless. I would love it so much. But I don't know if I can leave my father alone all year like that -- I don't know if he would be okay. Plus, he knows about this whole Libby's-family-thing and isn't totally comfy with it, but is too open-minded or is trying to "start letting go" or something and won't say it. I need to know if he's ok. I'll probably email him -- he totally sucks at talking on the phone. Almost as much as some Capricorns I could mention. -ACOUGHCOUGHCOUGH-
Anyway.
So, just wanted to give a heads up. It's a very complicated solution and doesn't seem to have a right answer, so I guess I'll end up living in whichever city offers me a decent job first. I applied to a couple of places online in two cities, and also used Craigslist for one-time shots as well as temp jobs, part times, and fulltimes (phew, that's over for now) for the summer. So I guess I'll end up wherever the money pulls me. x.x;
Unknown "Ashleigh" Sleepy - 16 years, 6 months, 26 days ago

This afternoon at 4:30 my kitty Dutton went to sleep and won't ever wake up. We buried her in the heather where she used to nap on long summer afternoons.
She had a brain tumor. If we'd had a reason to give her a CAT (lawl) scan a year ago we could've caught it in time, and she would've lived longer. She was thirteen. A five-year-old me picked her out from a woman who was selling kittens, technically too young to be weaned, because she had 28 of them (she was a hoarder). Her sister wouldn't leave her side so we took Shiro too. They're both pure white now, but when we got them they had dark gray smudges on their foreheads. Dutton's was lighter, I think.
We went through old photo albums and pulled out pictures of her. Dutton and Shiro in a Legos box as kittens, Dutton and Shiro sleeping on a heating pad when we got them at four weeks old. Me, age six, going to elementary school for the first time and holding Dutton on the driveway, posing for a photo. Me age seven, right before my parents divorced -- my father is unloading the dishwasher, Shiro is walking into the kitchen, I'm holding up Dutton who's staring at the camera. Me at ten pulling Dutton and Shiro in a box, pretending we're on the Oregon Trail (my mother is a history buff). Dutton sitting on the lawn. Dutton sleeping on my feet when the heater died the first time, in the winter of 2005. Things like that.
We buried her in a towel. My stepdad put rocks in the grave so coyotes wouldn't get her and I almost protested, "But she won't be able to breathe!" before I remembered. Right after the vet left, my mother wanted to hold Dutton -- but when she picked her up, her head lolled to the side, and that image will stay in my mind forever. It was so definitive -- no will, no life, no muscle control, nothing. It was like being slapped in the face with it.
Dutton was always there for me, and as soon as I left, she got sick. I know it's not my fault but I'll probably blame myself for it. It's just like with Tango, and Molly. I feel like it's my fault. I should have stayed with her. I never should have left. Now she's gone.
Unknown "Ashleigh" Sleepy - 16 years, 8 months, 18 days ago

I just realized I didn't ever post my record at States! I got four wins, three losses -- and after every loss, when I asked for a practice round, I won. x.x;
BUT now I get to go on to Regionals (!), which is April 12th, ironically the same day the Luau is on campus, and my dad'll be here and once again I'll miss him because of a Pokemon tournament. Mebbe I can stop by home on my way back from Pokemon? Shiranai (don't know).
Unknown "Ashleigh" Sleepy - 16 years, 8 months, 24 days ago

I got into a car accident on Sunday (the 10th). Could've been killed but only have whiplash because we were going just fast enough that the truck hit the back of the sliding door on the minivan instead of the passenger side door. The mother of the guy who was driving picked us up and took us the rest of the way to a prerelease event, and I had an excellent time and got some really good stuff. And I get to go to State Championships now! <333
Unknown "Ashleigh" Sleepy - 16 years, 9 months, 20 days ago

Well I recently broke up with my boyfriend. Things weren't going very well, and I think this is better for both of us.
Honestly, I'm fine, because I have my friends to support me.
Edit 2/12/08: I think I was so okay with it and took it so well because I started to shut down emotionally a while ago. Months ago. I don't know, though -- I could be wrong. At any rate, I'm doing pretty well.
Unknown "Ashleigh" Sleepy - 16 years, 10 months ago