Sorry to those that I have neglected with my absenses, it's always a hard time of the year for me with the passing of my brother in july of 05 and everything else.


lost

In days gone by I see you clear
A pain in my side, only wanting to be near
Verbally and physically pushed you away
All but forgotten the bonds that we made

Heart full of regrets
So much unfinished
Much more unstarted

I long for the times of youth gone by
Games in the yard
Bikes in the street
Summers at the lake
The snow dance with wishes of a white christmas

How did I not see
The brother I should have been
Kept you clean and needle free
A shoulder to lean after recovery

Why was I not there
Beginning
Middle
and end

I see you so clear in memory
Cherishing the time we had
Forever wishing for more

Fred Beland "~My Freddy Bear~" Playful - 14 years, 9 months, 13 days ago

Ends draw near


Darkness surrounds
Covering all light
No hope in sight
Just quiet emptiness

Couldn't end it right
Couldn't be just us
Had to keep my pain in front
Twisting the knife

Couldn't give the time
Couldn't make it hurt less
Drag it on with me
While building bonds with him

Deserved better than this
Better than you

Now hollow inside
Sleeping with hopes to never wake
Waking with dread
That life still goes on

You did this to us
Took away my love
Left me damaged and broken
Yet still twisting the knife

Fred Beland "~My Freddy Bear~" Playful - 15 years, 5 months, 29 days ago

Anger and Rage

The anger builds
Fuels the rage inside
This body shakes
Tremors and quakes
No way to dissipate

Days turned to nights
Nights to weeks
Weeks to months

The good inside fights
Tries to control
I try not to hear
Your laughter and delight

Pain fills the heart
Love drains away
Hate creeps in

Slowly it simmered
Now it boils
Soon over the edge
It steams and hisses
How long will it be
Till it evaporates to nothing

Fred Beland "~My Freddy Bear~" Playful - 15 years, 6 months, 5 days ago

your ocean

I swam in your ocean
So vast an expanse
Empty
Cold
Lifeless
Still
I tried to breath life
Stir the waters so calm
It sucks the warmth of my heart
Leaves a shell of myself
How can I save me
As I sink and drowned
I kick and I stroke
As your tide pulls me under
I feel the heat leave
Being sucked into you
Still so cold
Will I flounder and die
In this nothingness of you

Fred Beland "~My Freddy Bear~" Playful - 15 years, 8 months, 1 day ago

In loving memory of my brother Jack
May 18th 1977-July 15 2005

I close my eyes and collect myself on this most beautiful day
To remember most that I did love the man we lost that day
Though will alone was not enough to take away his pain
I take to heart my feelings now and relive the joy he was
My brother dear I miss you so but know you are at peace
I live this day and everyday
I will never be alone
I share my pain of how I lost and I am found again

Fred Beland "~My Freddy Bear~" Playful - 15 years, 9 months, 27 days ago