Best pick up lines bound to earn a slap :D

The word of the day is legs. Let's go back to my place and spread the word...

I like every bone in your body - especially mine...

I may not be Fred Flinstone, but i can sure make your bed rock...

You're like Prinkles - once i pop you, i cant stop...

You have great legs, what time do they open?

If you were a car door, i would slam you all night long...



Unknown "Emo-Boy" Hurt - 16 years, 10 months, 9 days ago

Women's English:

Yes = No

No = Yes

Maybe = No

I'm sorry = You'll be sorry

We need = I want

It's your decisiondisable= The correct decision should be obvious by now

Do what you want = You'll pay for this later

We need to talk = I need to complain

I'm not upset = Of couse i'm upset, you idiot!

This kitchen is so incondisable= I want a new house

I want new curtains = and carpeting and furniture and wallpaper

Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive

How much do you love me? = I did something today you're going to hate

I'll be ready in a min = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV

You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me

Are you listening to me!? = (too late you're dead)



Men's English:

I'm hungry = I'm hungry

I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy

I'm tired = I'm tired

Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you

Can i take you out for dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you

Can i call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you

May i have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you

What's wrong? = What a goddamn stupid self-inflicted psychological trauma is it now??

What's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question?

I'm bored = Do you want to have sex?

I love you = Let's have sex now!

I love you, too = Okay, I said it, now can we have sex?

Yes, i like the way you cut your hair = I liked it better before

Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with others
Unknown "Emo-Boy" Hurt - 16 years, 10 months, 25 days ago

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
Unknown "Emo-Boy" Hurt - 16 years, 10 months, 26 days ago

SL aka Sister Logical; SM aka Sister Mathematical

SL: Have you been noticed that a man has been following us for the past half-hour?
SM: Yes, I wonder what he wants.
SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.
SM: Oh no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 mins at the most. What can we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is that we have to start walking faster.
SM: It is not working.
SL: Of course it is not working. The man did the only obvious thing to do. He started to walk faster too.
SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one min.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and i'll go this way. He cannot follow both of us.

So the man decided to go after Sister Logical and Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried because Sister Logical has not yet arrived. Finally, Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical. Thank God you're here. Tell us what happened?
SL: The only logical thing happened. The man could not follow both of us, so he followed me.
SM: So what happened? Please tell us.
SL: The only logical thing to happen. I started to run as fast as i could.
SM: So what happened?
SL: The only logical thing to happen. The man also started to run as fast as he could.
SM: And what else?
SL: The only logical thing to happen. He reached me.
SM: Oh no! What did you do then?
SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my habit up.
SM: Oh, Sister. What did the man do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.
SM: Oh no! What happened then?
SL: Isnt it logical, Sister? A nun with her habit up can run faster than a man with his pants down.

Unknown "Emo-Boy" Hurt - 16 years, 10 months, 26 days ago

The finals of the national poetry contest last year came down to two finalists. One was an Auckland University Law School graduate from an upper-crust Remuera Family. He was well bred and well connected. The other finalist was a Westie from Henderson.
The rules of the contest required each finalist to compose a four-line poem in one min or less, and the poem had to contain the word "Timbuktu"
The university graduate went first. About 30 secs after the clock started, he jumped up and recited the following:

Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked the dusty caravan
Men on camels, two by two
Destination - Timbuktu.

The audience went wild. How, they wondered, could the Westie top that? The clcok started again, the Westie sat in silent thought. Finally in the last few seconds, he jumped up and recited:

Tim and me, a huntin' went.
Met three sluts in a pop-up tent.
They was three, we was two,
So i bucked one and Timbuktu.

He won

- for me this is the funniest shit ever (:
Unknown "Emo-Boy" Hurt - 16 years, 10 months, 26 days ago