why being me sucks...


see... i have this thing where i dont really see genders, i just kinda see personalities, which is really where my troubles begin, because i am female and aparently its not acceptable.

i like people, so maybe i should be sapisexual or something cuz i dont really like the term bi. there should be a word out there for kids like me who are attracted to people in general without the gender roles.

a friend called me a fag hag, and i must admit thats like the biggest compliment ever because i am the biggest homosexual-lover on the face of this planet. lets face it, gay guys are the coolest, and i love them.

im not even quite sure why im typing at this moment, except that i know there was a point to it and im quite sure if i keep typing it will come back...ok nevermind here it comes:

it sucks to be me, just like in avenue q, it sucks to be me. because no matter what i will always have days where i wish i had a penis, and it sucks that i dont. but, what if i did? then there would always be days where i wish i had a vagina. maybe it could be a mangina..but that would be awkward. i dunno. im just kinda blurting out whatever comes to mind because its not like i have a shrink to talk to, and the last person i mentioned this to said

"I think everyone goes through college feeling a little gay."

how the fuck does that help me? i wish people were asexual, that would make life so much easier, whos with me? im a little shell of who i wanna be, and theres seriously no way to break out right now. i have a crush on a friend who has a crush on me, we'll call her See. And shes awesome, not like im in love with her or anything, im in love with Benjamin, but it bothers me to have to deal with this emotional drama, you know?

im a middle category person, the one that always answers N/A
Unknown "Dr Phantastica" Sad - 16 years, 8 months, 22 days ago

Well, I'm back.

If you didnt already notice I had de activated this account in the hopes of cutting certain people out of my life, and subsequently ended up cutting some very smexxi people out as well, which was not at all my intention.

Today I am back, and I think its fair to say its due to my ex boyfriends mom, who just so happens called me about ten minutes ago. Why did she call?

Here goes:

*phone vibrates: caller ID: Daisy:*

Me: Oh, Hi Daisy, what are you up to?

Daisy: Hi Alva, nothing. What are you doing?

Me: I'm at school,

Daisy: Oh! I'm sorry I didnt mean to bother you!

Me: No you're not, I'm just workin on an essay thats due tonight.

Daisy: Oh, I thought you were home, when are you coming back?

Me: Well, I work there tomorrow but I'm not goin home until Friday, why?

Daisy: I was gonna invite you to the stores if you didnt work this weekend.

Me: Oh I do.

:silent pause:

Daisy: Can I ask you something personal?

Me: Yeah, sure.

Daisy: Did you have a baby?

>_>



Apparently, my ex boyfriend, the one before my husband, thought i had recently had his baby and had sent his mother to find out since I am friends with his mother.

The whole reason we broke up is because he was too immature for me. It ended on the premise that he was moving to Texas, witout a high school diploma, being a 21 year old jobless baseball player. He never left Connecticut.

Had i stayed with him I'd possibly be pregnant and living in his mothers house in his room, no fucking hell, sorry to say I deserve someone better than that who actually has their life together and is motivated enough to go after what they want.

I should have told Daisy, "Well...I was gonna have the baby but Angel broke up with me and since he didnt love me I had an abortion and now im pregnant with someone elses baby and im getting married in the fall, but tell him i said Hi okay?" Instead i opted for the siple truth, No i did not have a baby, I was never pregnant, but i do love the gossip that gets around about me, people sure do love to envy me ^_^.

Later Xtian will explain about how she almost killed a man sunday, then didnt, after she finishes her essay and econ homework that is due in 2 and a half hours.

Kissies!
Unknown "Dr Phantastica" Sad - 16 years, 9 months, 2 days ago

RULES:
1) Put your music player on shuffle
2) For each question press the 'next' button to get your answer
3) YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.

if someone says "that's okay" you say;
Don
Miranda!
apparently i have a talent for curing people, wtf?

what would best describe your personality;
I want that!
Dane Cook
ummm...???

what do you like in a guy or girl;
Us
She wants revenge
well, its true, i do like being an us


how do you feel today;
Franklin
Paramore
lols, ive never even listened to this song until now and its totally how i feel...rofl


what is your life's purpose;
Black Dresses
The Spill Canvas
lols, never heard this before...


what is your motto;
Drops of Jupiter
Train
apparently i'm a wanderer... chyeah.


what do your friends think of you;
All my senses
Mando Diao
nuff said >_>

what do you think of often;
Statues Without eyes
Kill Hannah
well...one of my gneral outlooks

what do you think of your best friend;
Kiss me
Sixpence none the richer
seriously, please dont



what do you think of the person you like;
Someday
Nickelback
for the record, we are very much in love, no someday needed to clarify anything


what is your life story;
Quiero
Miranda!
apparently i want a lot of things


what do you want to be when you grow up;
Blood
MCR
i wish to be a vampire because zombies scare the shit out of me, ive got zombiephobia

what do you think when you see the person you like;
cheap drunk
bill engvall
if i ever called him that out loud hed kill me


what do your parents think of you?;
nerve gas
kill hannah
im pretty sure they dont want me to go to sleep forever, just a little bit so im not exhaused all the time


how will you feel at your funeral;
Self Conclusion
The Spill Canvas
lols



what will they play at your wedding;
Free Style
Fa Hire
thats one of my hubbys songs ^_^

what is your hobby or interest
Sonny Came Home
Paula Cole
chyeah, i make hit lists on my spare time


what is your biggest fear;
Text Message Breakup
Liam Sullivan
ROFLMAOAMEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


what is your biggest secret;
Learning to Fall
Boys Like Girls
yeah, im a clutz

lols, this was a total waste of randm fun ^_^

Unknown "Dr Phantastica" Sad - 16 years, 9 months, 22 days ago

I havent been on in four days, mainly due to the fact that i was at home and had no access to the internet. A friend suggested i had imploded due to the dramatic soap opera that is my life, but alas, i have not ha dhte fortune to end this miseric drama, i dont even know if that is a word , in which cas anyone who uses it is violating my copyright!

Anywho, these past three days i have had an exceedingly healthy diet consisting of chinese food, seeing as how we now live with a chinese store on our street corner, less than 2 minute a walk away. My refrigerator currently holds about 8 half finished containers of chinese food, also seeing as how i am never capable of finishing more than one third of a sering ^_^.

Friday I learned a very important lesson, I am an alcoholic and if left to my device I shall dance on bar stools and flip over tables landing on random DJs who will later hit on me in attemps at bringing me home and bangin me. There fore i shal not drink...in public...more than 16 ounces...in one hour...on friday nights...at club blu...Yup, lesson learned.

So, remember X friend in my last post? Against my very intelligent brain who was telling me not to, my feet trecked allthe way to his place to watch a movie, one ive already seen, granted, but still one i was willing to watch over. So, we're sitting in his living room, and he decides to order chinese food. So we call...and the lady that picks up is sooooo beyond rude i wanted to reach throguh the phone and smack her.

"Chinah Hauwwww..." she she says, chinese for China House

"Can we have one order of boneless ribs with pork fried rice, no vegetables, and one order of orange chicken, pork fried rice no vegetables?"

"Yah, okay you pick up bye."

?!?!?!?!
She freakin hangs up. So of course we call back and tell her we want it delivered.

"Yah, okay watchu phone? Whatchu addre?"

We tell her...

"No phone numbah!"

we repeat it...

"Whatcha addre again?"

We repeat it, pissed off...

"ya okay forty minute"

?!?!?!

hell no we are not waiting forty minutes for no two orders of food! so we call back and cancel the order, which she was not too happy about, but oh well. I went to the corner store and bought som sandwhiches, i was gone maybe fifteen minutes, and when i get back there is a chinese lady standing on my friends' lawn, yelling at him and he's looking scared lie a lil bitch.

Well, i dont know whats goin on, so i just walk over and say "Can I help you", and she starts yelling that we ordered food and we better pay because shes gonna call the cops if we dont, so i'm like, well wheres the food? cuz her hands are empty, and she says she forgot it but we have to pay anyways and she'll bring it when we pay. So im like f this and i drag X inside and we lock the doors and sit down to watch the movie when we hear glass break near the front of the house. And it scared the hell out of us cuz it didnt sound like glass, it sounded like a nuclear implosion of some sort. So we run towards the noise and see his front window, the one in his door is broken, and the chinese lady is driving away in her car...

This will be the last time we call China House >_>
Unknown "Dr Phantastica" Sad - 16 years, 9 months, 25 days ago

So... I havent been online for a few days, mainly due to the fact that all communications in my school were down for like five days!!!!!!!!!!!11


So what have i been up to? Umm... the bitch that calls herself my sister showed up at my job on thursday.....I was not very happy with that, and if it werent for the fact that i would have lost my very comfy job, i would have thrown 200 degree hot water on her face, because that is how much i cannot stand her.

Friday at job i found the reason why my coworker is soo often bitchy towards me. Where i thought she was jealous of how much i earned...turns out the chick is effing bi-polar!!!!!

WTF!?

Not only is she fucking bi-polar, she decides to let me in on her little secret: shes been off meds for three months! Great, now im working with a freakin bipolar waiting to explode... Good job Xtian.

Saturday was mostly uneventful, well...except for that small incident....

Saturday after work i was home alone and my phone rings. Its a nameless friend who shall remain that way for his own protection. We decide that life is too short and we shall take a ride to Springfield, Mass. and go to The Salty Dog, kick ass bar with a bull to ride ^_^. Now, i did not realize this at the time, but my friend is a fucking lightweight, and he is driving. With a death grip on my seatbelt and the looming knowledge that sooner or later the coppers would get us, we arrived safe, save for the pounding in my ears and nail marks in my palms.

Wel, i like havng fun, ive got a dozen aliases for when i go out, because i love to have fun with random strangers, knowing fulll well i will never see them again. WTF happens when i walk into the club? I'm whisked away by a random pair of arms into the farthest corner from the door, by a guy and a girl (a couple), whom i havent seen in atleast six months.

"Where have you been?" says the girl, grinding on my leg, "yeah, havent seen ya in a while" says the guy. Well, much as i like people, i like the funny, awkward types, not the manhandling couple type. So, im trying to wrestle away from them because im seriously feeling real uncomfy, when my friend whom i came with shows up and tries to pull me away.

BAD IDEA... The guy gets really aggressive and starts pushing on my friend, whos way too out of it to manage standing up, so i start pushing him and the girl starts pushing me! You can imagine, me being the angry little vixen i am i got really mad and started smaking the girl around, at which point MY friend jumps on my back and yells "Hi-ho silver!" And smacks my butt. >_>
Unknown "Dr Phantastica" Sad - 16 years, 10 months, 2 days ago