A blonde heard that baths in milk would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.


When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.



The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?"



The blonde said, "No, I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again."



The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"



The blonde said, "No, just up to my tits. I can splash it on my eyes."
Kristy "Dark Blood" Daring - 15 years, 3 months, 26 days ago

A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with
his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and
said, 'Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa
went to heaven?'

Grandma replied, 'Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my
bedroom and watch it all day long... The religious programs make me
feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my
boyfriend.'

Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started
adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus.. Frustrated,
she

started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.

The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door
and there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, 'Hello son, is
your Grandma home?'

The little boy replied, 'Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her
boyfriend.'

The minister fainted.
Kristy "Dark Blood" Daring - 15 years, 3 months, 26 days ago

Kylie Minogue, Robbie Williams and Elton John were walking over a bridge.
Kylie trips and gets her head jammed between the railings.
With a couple of sideways glances, Robbie pulls aside her G-String, and bonks her senseless!
He stands back and tells Elton "your turn".
Elton starts crying!
"What's up?" asks Robbie.
Elton sobs, "my head wont fit through the railings"
Kristy "Dark Blood" Daring - 15 years, 3 months, 26 days ago

How the Wall Street Bailout works in layman's terms:


Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a Donkey from a farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the Donkey the next day.

The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news, your donkey died.'

Chuck replied, 'Well, then just give me my money back.'

The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I went and spent it already.'

Chuck said, 'Ok, then, just bring me the dead donkey.'
The farmer asked, 'What ya gonna do with him?'

Chuck said, 'I'm going to raffle him off. 'The farmer said: 'You can't raffle off a dead donkey!'

Chuck said, 'Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'

A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, 'What happened with that dead donkey?'


Chuck said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898.'

The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?'

Chuck said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.'

Chuck now works on Wall Street for AMERICAN INVESTMENT GROUP.
Kristy "Dark Blood" Daring - 15 years, 9 months, 7 days ago

1.Men are likeLaxatives. They irritate the crap out of you.


2.Men are likeBananas.The older they get, the less firm they are.

3.Men are likeWeather.Nothing can be done to change them.

4.Men are likeBlenders.You need one, but you're not quite sure why.

5.Men are likeChocolate Bars.Sweet, smooth & they usually head straight for your hips.

6.Men are likeCommercials.You can't believe a word they say.

7.Men are likeDepartment Stores.Their clothes are always 1/2 off!

8.Men are likeGovernment Bonds.They take soooooooo long to mature.

9.Men are likeMascara.They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

10.Men are likePopcorn.They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

11.Men are likeSnowstorms.You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

12.Men are likeLava Lamps.Fun to look at, but not very bright.

13.Men are likeParking Spots.All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

(For all the girls who need a laugh and the blokes that can handle it)
Kristy "Dark Blood" Daring - 15 years, 9 months, 14 days ago