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About me:
Life freaks me out. Just the idea of this enormous, intangible, all-powerful thing…Life is all we’ve got, and that terrifies me. The future always seems so distant until you collide with it head-on, at which point it isn’t even the future anymore but merely the present. Granted, the future is an opportunity, but for what, exactly? Gaining wisdom? Challenging oneself? Becoming something? Or screwing up, making mistake after mistake, losing yourself and never rediscovering what you’ve left behind? Some people say death is a void, an endless abyss of onyx. But what, then, is life? Life is no different, really, from death. The future is just as unpredictable as what happens when it drifts into the past. I hope I don’t sound morbid, as I’m nothing of the sort. All in all, though, life is confusing, strange, novel, and terrifying. You can’t help but worry where you’ll be, where you are, who you are…Things that are impossible to know ahead of time. Tomorrow comes and goes, leaving you just as hopelessly perplexed as to what the next day will hold.
But there are times when life doesn’t scare me. When thinking about my future is merely wistful, dreamy pondering. When being enveloped by this hazy cloud of ignorance is comforting, a gentle, drifting blanket under which to rest when one feels tired. Because the future doesn’t scare me when I have something greater, something larger, something more omnipotent and intensely consuming than life itself. Then the world fades to merely a planet, to merely a home, a lodging, a place to call my own. Then everything is put into clear, levelheaded perspective. Then I am a human being, and mistakes are knowledge, and knowledge is gain, and gain is gradual loss, and loss is mental victory. This is how I know that love is good. For when someone walks into my life, some bewildered knight blown off-course on his quest for whatever it is he’s looking for, just delusional enough to mistake me for someone worth knowing…Then life is merely life. Love is good, for I am not scared of time when it steals me away.
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