Today brought unexpected relief,
A calm, a peace and serene cloak of protection.
Suddenly pieces fall into place, life appears more organised and amidst this still fiercly competitive jungle somehow there is some order in the chaos.
I do not know where these fresh spring rains come from to wash away the pain but I welcome them with open arms like a long lost brother; I drink the droplets like a weary traveller savouring each bead of moisture on my tongue.
I thank the one above for giving me this gift, if only for a short while.
I know that my journey is far from over but today I had someone help carry the load.


Unknown "Smokey" Carefree - 15 years, 8 months, 21 days ago

Trapped, my heart beats anxiously, my mind races through a million thoughts in the blink of an eye.
I am held prisoner by my own emotions, exaggerations of reality but I cannot break free.
The chains are strong and bind me so tightly that I struggle to breathe.
The rational mind is paralyzed, I become angry, I hate the world.
I know that it will pass but at present I'm consumed by my own hell.
Why can't I let go, I need to let go. I desperately need to break the restraints that trap the pain in my mind.
I long for the small things, it's only the small things that matter.
Only death, mass destruction and war happen on a grand scale; have you noticed that the beauty of life lies only in the small things?
A special meal cooked by a loved one
A pretty flower
A post it note saying I love you in your lunch box
An almost inaudible whisper saying I love you
These small things forge the binding links of the chains that tie me to my hell.
I resist the struggle; I know that I need to let the demons sleep, in their slumber I'm sure to slip free.
Free for while, free for now, the demons lurk in the darkness of my mind never far away.

Unknown "Smokey" Carefree - 15 years, 8 months, 24 days ago

I often wonder why it is that we need to hurt so much.
It never makes life easier, the walls get taller and love becomes a cynical fairytale that we hear about over and over teasing us, knowing there is no end state of joy.
Just one long trial with so much pain along the way.
Why is love so hard?

Unknown "Smokey" Carefree - 15 years, 8 months, 26 days ago

We walk this planet without any guide,
Like the millions that have done so before us.
The same mistakes have been made thousands of times yet somehow none of it matters until it reaches down and touches your own soul.
It does not matter how many people have hurt, stumbled and fallen, this experience is lost to mankind.
There is no saving grace or sentence reprieve.
We pay the full price for our sins and sometimes selfish decisions.
All we can hope for is the universe to have empathy with regard to our and misguided intentions.
Allow us a second chance to right our wrongs.
There will be many that come after us to suffer the same cruel fate, so have mercy
One lifetime is after all a long time to suffer the pains of our ignorance.

Unknown "Smokey" Carefree - 15 years, 8 months, 27 days ago