Little Johnny...

A teacher in Lafayette, Tennessee, asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Obama fans.

Not really knowing what an Obama fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for Little Johnny.

The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different...again .
Little Johnny said, "Because I'm not an Obama fan."

The teacher asked, "Why aren't you an Obama fan?"

Johnny said, "Because I'm a Republican."

The teacher asked him why he's a Republican.

Little Johnny answered, "Well my Mom's a Republican and my Dad's a Republican, so I'm a Republican."

Annoyed by this answer, the teacher asked,

"If your Mom was a moron and your Dad was an idiot, what would that make you?"

With a big smile, Little Johnny replied,

"That would make me an Obama fan."

Unknown "ღSexyღ NFS" - 15 years, 10 months, 7 days ago

I know most of my tales are funny but found this interesting, but I do not advise going out and trying it..lol..;

This information may be something to remember, as this season will soon be here again ... It might be wise to carry a penny in your pocket while working in the yard........... BEE STINGS !

A couple of weeks ago, I was stung by both a bee and hornet while
working in the garden. My arm swelled up, so I went to the doctor. The clinic gave me cream and an antihistamine. The next day the swelling was
getting progressively worse, so I went to my regular doctor. The arm was
infected and needed an antibiotic. The doctor told me - ' The next time you get stung, put a penny on the bite for 15 minutes'.

That night, my niece was stung by two bees. I looked at the bite and it
had already started to swell. So, I taped a penny to her arm for 15 minutes. The next morning, there was no sign of a bite. We decided that
she just wasn't allergic to the sting.

Soon, I was gardening outside. I got stung again, twice by a hornet on my
left hand. I thought, here I go again to the doctor for another antibiotic.
I promptly got my money out and taped two pennies to my bites, then sat
and sulked for 15 minutes. The penny took the sting out of the bite
immediately.

In the meantime the hornets were attacking, and my friend was stung on
the thumb. Again the penny. The next morning I could only see the spot
where the hornet had stung me. No redness, no swelling. My friend's sting was the same; couldn't even tell where she had been stung.

She got stung again a few days later upon her back---cutting the grass!
And the penny worked once again.

Wanted to share this marvelous information in case you experience the
same problem. We need to keep a stock of pennies on hand. The doctor said that the copper in the penny counteracts the bite. It definitely works!

Please remember and pass this information on to your friends, children,
grandchildren, etc.

Unknown "ღSexyღ NFS" - 15 years, 11 months, 1 day ago

This was sent to me by a friend, pertains to women but very funny:

The Washcloth

This has to be read, laughed at and passed on. There is not a woman
alive today who won't crack up over this!

I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week.
Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor's office to tell
me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am.

I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was
already around 8:45 am.

The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any
time to spare.

As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene
when making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to
make the full effort.

So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the washcloth that
was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in that
area to make sure I was at least presentable.

I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes,
hopped in the car and raced to my appointment.

I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in.

Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure you do, I hopped up on the table,
looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in
Paris or some other place a million miles away.

I was a little surprised when the doctor said, 'My, we have made an
extra effort this morning, haven't we?'

I didn't respond.

After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The
rest of the day was normal . Some shopping, cleaning, cooking.

After school when my 6 year old daughter was playing, she called out
from the bathroom, 'Mommy, where's my washcloth?'

I told her to get another one from the cupboard.

She rep lied, 'No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had
all my glitter and sparkles saved inside it.'

NEVER going back to that doctor ever!!
Unknown "ღSexyღ NFS" - 15 years, 11 months, 1 day ago

This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to a Wal-Mart in Arkansas. They hired him because he was so funny.



NAME: Kenneth Way (a.k.a. Grumpy Old Bastard)

SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available . If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz-style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment .

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER? If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.? Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR? I think the more appropriate question here would be 'Do you have a car that runs?'

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

NEAREST RELATIVE.....7 miles

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.




Unknown "ღSexyღ NFS" - 15 years, 11 months, 1 day ago

A man and wife are shopping in a supermarket, when the man

puts a case of beer in the shopping cart.

"What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife.

"They're on sale, only $10 a case", he says.

"Put them back. We can't afford it," says the wife and they carry on shopping...

A few aisles later the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and sticks it into the cart.

"What do you think you're doing?" asks the man.

"It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," she says.

The man replies....

"SO DOES 24 CANS OF BEER AND IT'S HALF THE PRICE!"
Unknown "ღSexyღ NFS" - 15 years, 11 months, 23 days ago