Woman in Asda notices a young assistant. He has such a cute arse it makes her randy! She asks him to carry her shopping to her car. On the way she can'thold back any more and says "I've got an itchypussy". He says "you'll have to point it out love, all these fucking Japanese cars look the same to me!"

phil "HP,S FINEST x" - 12 years, 2 months, 10 days ago

Paddy and Mick are walking home after a night on the piss. They"ve got no money to get a taxi and are staggering all over the place when they find themselves outside the bus depot. Paddy has a brainwave and says to Mick "Get in there and steal a bus so we can drive home and I"ll stay out here and look out for the police". Mick duly breaks into the garage and is gone for twenty minutes while Paddy is wondering what the hell he"s doing. Eventually Paddy sticks his head around the door and sees Mick running from bus to bus and looking very worried."What the hell are you doing Mick, get a move on!" to which Mick replies "I can"t find a number 7 anywhere Paddy" whereupon Paddy, holding his hands to his head in disbelief, shouts "You fucking idiot Mick, steal a number 9 and we"ll get off at the roundabout and walk the rest of the way!".

phil "HP,S FINEST x" - 12 years, 2 months, 14 days ago

Two women meet in the afterlife. Following is the conversation they had.1st woman: Hi! My name is Wanda.2nd woman: Hi! I"m Sylvia. How"d you die?1st woman: I froze to death.2nd woman: How horrible!1st woman: It wasn"t so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.1st woman: So, what happened?2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds.I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.1st woman: Too bad you didn"t look in the freezer ... we"d both still be alive.

phil "HP,S FINEST x" - 12 years, 2 months, 16 days ago

Beer pong, also known as Beirut, is a drinking game in which players throw a ping pong ball across a table with the intent of landing the ball in a cup of beer on the other end. The game typically consists of two two-to-four-player teams and multiple cups set up, in triangle formation, on each side.[1] There are no official rules and rules may vary widely, though usually there are six or ten plastic cups arranged in a triangle on each side. Each team then takes turns attempting to shoot ping pong balls into the opponent's cups. If a ball lands in a cup, then the contents of that cup are consumed by the other team, and the cup is either placed aside or reinserted into the triangle. If the cup is reinserted and the other team knocks the cup over, it is removed. If the opposing team throws the ball into an empty cup, they must consume the contents of one of their cups. The first side to eliminate all of the opponent's cups is the winner.[2]

phil "HP,S FINEST x" - 12 years, 2 months, 18 days ago

The Devil walks into a crowded bar. When the people see who it is, they all run out except this one old man. So the devil walks up to him and says" Do you know who I am?" and the old man sips his beer and answers "yep". The Devil says "Well, why aren't you afraid of me?" The old man looks over and says" I've been married to your sister for 27 years, why the hell should I be scared of you."..

phil "HP,S FINEST x" - 12 years, 2 months, 19 days ago