"Of course I won't laugh,'' said the nurse. ''I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient.'' ''Okay then,'' said Fred, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing... the tiniest penis the nurse had ever seen. Length and width, it couldn't have been bigger than an AAA battery. Unable to control herself, the nurse started giggling,then fell to the floor laughing. Ten minutes later she was able to struggle to her feet and regain her composure. ''I am so sorry,'' she said. ''I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a nurse and a lady, I promise it won't happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem?''…''It's swollen,'' Fred replied.

She ran out of the room.
Chris Jeffries "My Rodent!" Fine & Dandy!!! - 7 hours, 11 minutes ago

A young guy from North Carolina moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.
The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Carolina."

Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job.

"You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor.

"How many customers bought something from you today?" The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, "One". The boss says "Just one?!!? Our sales people average sales to 20 to 30 customers a day.

That will have to change, and soon, if you'd like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida. One sale a day might have been acceptable in North Carolina, but you're not in the mountains anymore, son."
The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?"
The kid looks up at his boss and says "$101,237.65".

The boss, astonished, says $101,237.65?!? What the heck did you sell?"

The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."

The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK!?"
The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing!'
Chris Jeffries "My Rodent!" Fine & Dandy!!! - 26 days ago

Merry Christmas to my hp friends. I hope you have a wonderful holiday period spent in happiness with those that you hold close to your hearts.
Chris Jeffries "My Rodent!" Fine & Dandy!!! - 1 month ago

This women stole my iphone in London last week. She doesn't realise that it uploads photos taken to my icloud account.

If anyone recognises her, please tell her that I've bought more storage space & can send her the charger for when the battery runs out.
Chris Jeffries "My Rodent!" Fine & Dandy!!! - 1 month ago

A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up. One kid stood up and the teacher was surprised. She didn’t think anyone would stand up so she asked him, “Why did you stand up?” He answered, “I didn’t want to leave you standing up by yourself.”
Chris Jeffries "My Rodent!" Fine & Dandy!!! - 1 month, 19 days ago