she says fine
and he says whatever
and she says well
and he says fine
and she says I'm going back upstairs
and he says whatever, slag
at this point my lips stretch into a rye smile
this would be comical if it were on the tele
and she screams I fucking hate you
and he says I already knew that
and she takes a big breath
looks at me, looks back at him
and she says we'll be out in April
and he says okay, can you leave me alone now?
here I set down my glass and lean against
the back of the couch and look
at myself in the reflection on a picture of a boat.
and she says that's what I was doing before
you poured water down my laptop
and he says I didn't touch your laptop
and she says yes, you did. after you gave me
your word you wouldn't
and he says he didn't say that.
I lick my lips and rub them together,
crossing my arms and concentrating
on the silky feel of my lips rubbing together
of my tongue tracing circles on the top of my mouth
and she says yes you did. you lying piece of shit
and he says yeah, cause I'm the piece of shit
and she says I already got it, I'm an ugly hag
who doesn't clean or cook,
and he says you don't clean or cook all you do
is sit on your ass all day playing games
my tongue runs across a ticklish spot
I shudder and bite my lip
and start mentally going over what
I ate that day
She says of course, because I didn't spend
twenty years of my life raising children
and he says no you didn't we raised those children
and she says no We didn't I did, I raised them and
supported them for years while you tweaked
and he says that never happened
and she says yeah it did or do you not remember
when I made more money than you did
and he says he doesn't
my nose scrunches and I lick my teeth
categorizing food by which ones are more gross
and the amount I have eaten of them
cow, pizza, soda, take out, burgers, nachos....
she says I did make more money than you
and he says no you didn't
and she says yeah, I did I supported this family
while you were "taking care" of us on well fair
and he says that never happened
and she says yes it did all the while you were tweaking
and he says you did that stuff too
pizza rolls, poptarts, hot pockets, frozen burritos, spaghetti-os
for a second I come up blank so I
play with the loose flap of skin behind my
wisdom tooth oh! raviolis, bacon, eggs, pancakes...
she says yeah but I stopped when I had kids, because you know,
it was the Right Thing To Do
and he scoffs and takes a pull on his ash stick, whore
and she screams I hate you I fucking hate you
and he says yeah yeah I got that will you leave me alone now?
now I start categorizing gross foods by who made them for me
bacon, eggs, gravy, sausage, breakfast burritos, cow, bar be que...
my tongue feels my front two teeth
measuring the gap between them and I jut my jaw out a little
to make it even with my top row of teeth
She leaves grunting under her voice tears evident in her breaths
he exhales some smoke and stares at me
I stare down at my shoes
then up at my reflection in the picture of a boat in a serene bay
I repeat four months four months four months in my head
I stare at him and list the gross foods over again
four months seems like eternity
I look back at my reflection in the boat
I list all the things he has denied us this month alone
milk, bread, vegetables, fruits, heating, peace, freedom
I turn and walk up stairs staring at the world from under my hair
kearstin Esssss "Mon Jaloux (NFS)" Neglected
- 15 years, 9 months, 20 days ago
