Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Sheriff, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Wal-Mart won't let me shop there anymore.
Michael "Ass grabber" Naughty - 16 years, 26 days ago

A little girl says to her mommy "I just found out that little Johnny has a penis like a peanut!"
Her mommy says " You mean its small?"
The little girl says "No its salty!"
Michael "Ass grabber" Naughty - 16 years, 10 months, 1 day ago

Hickory dickory dock a slut was sucking a cock,
Her hair got tangled the bitch got strangled but,
At least she finished the shot!
Michael "Ass grabber" Naughty - 16 years, 10 months, 1 day ago

Dick, Eggs, Wife, and a Blow Job.
Which doesn't belong?

You can beat your dick, eggs, and even beat your wife.
But you just can't beat a Blow Job. : )
Michael "Ass grabber" Naughty - 16 years, 10 months, 1 day ago

Beer $10.
Bag of Weed $20.
Condoms $2.75.
Finding out she swallows and, has no gag reflex...Priceless!
Fuck Mastercard, it pays to Discover!
Michael "Ass grabber" Naughty - 16 years, 10 months, 1 day ago