Heretofore

Oh damn..
Oh look what I've done, look what's been ruined
This void I thought had gone, now returning
This shapeless clay now too brittle to mold
What mourning will bring..I know not
Those answers beyond the morning dew, I fear.. I'm overwhelmed
The fortress of sanity too steep to climb so I stand out in the muck,
In a moat of lunacy.
Amid this nothing, I cry and cry…then pick myself up and move along.
maria c "Constance" Tired - 9 years, 10 months, 22 days ago

Here's one E-V-O-N will understand, Seyswaneva, bestie!!

If I Were A Lyric 5/25/2012


If I were a lyric

What would I sing?
What tune would you hum?
If I were the musing

If I were a lyric

Would I delight your ear?
Would my rhymes be catchy?
Would they be sincere?

If I were a lyric

Where would I be heard?
Where would my words be known?
Do you think I’d sound absurd?

If I were a lyric

Could you harmonize with me?
Could your delivery be true?
Could you voice my melody?

If I were a lyric

Should you love me then?
Should I be your favorite?
If we could begin again


By: Me, of course
maria c "Constance" Tired - 12 years, 6 months, 2 days ago

Mainly for the bestest E-V-O-N:

My quite boring happenings of late have included mostly the following:

1) Babysitting...kids are awesome, but I'm not really enjoying it for the most part
2) Coffee shop..which is actually my favorite part of the week when I write, read, draw and get out of the house alone. And the Barista guy knows my drink and is nice and the place has art and isn't a crappy chain either :)
3) Church with Grandma including events such as a sock hop (yes, a 50s themed party with mostly people 15+ years my senior)
4) Trying to actually apply for a job..most likely at a casino where someone Grandma knows and goes to church with works
5) Still trying to finish getting my car registration for Nevada :/ because I have to change my insurance and I've had to put it on the back burner so to speak
6) Went to my cousin's youngest daughter, Isabella's, birthday in Bakersfield, CA last Saturday..that was fun. I got to see my cousin Clifford and his fam, Aunt Karen, Nathan, Russell and his fam and all and spend the day with them
7) Missing you and Margo and all my friends and family lots..I can't wait to visit and I got a call from Jace..too bad he woke me up at 5 am so it was a 2 min conversation. He mistakenly thought it was 9 am, typical, haha..I was glad to hear from him anyway..and makes me really want to get on the ball to visit

And that is pretty much all. Sorry it is boring, but the scenery every day reminds me that life is just what you make it, so I'm inspired to not be boring these next few months :>
maria c "Constance" Tired - 12 years, 8 months, 26 days ago

The Holiday
written by Nancy Meyers
Iris: I've found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said "Journeys end in lovers meeting." What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said "love is blind". Now that is something I know to be true. For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night. And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. It's called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space! Yes, you are looking at one such individual. And I have willingly loved that man for over three miserable years! The absolute worst years of my life! The worst Christmas', the worst Birthday's, New Years Eve's brought in by tears and valium. These years that I have been in love have been the darkest days of my life. All because I've been cursed by being in love with a man who does not and will not love me back. Oh god, just the sight of him! Heart pounding! Throat thickening! Absolutely can't swallow! All the usual symptoms. I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade.

maria c "Constance" Tired - 12 years, 10 months, 13 days ago

Gift Store Horrortry #2 October 4, 2011

Am I to be sucked up, cleaned, disposed of by the diligent cleaning lady that just won't quit? "I'm not a piece of dust! Spare me!" I scream behind my placid eyes. I've no reason to complain, however, as she is doing what could be considered part of my job..cleaning the store..but, she insisted. And, I do mean insisted. She brought her own vacuum, claimed to be responsible for the mess because of some decorating scheme enacted the previous night and proceeded to plug up and suck up..the targeted dirt, dust and glittery particles being the culprits of this agony. "Agony?" You might ask. And to that I answer: Yes!! The suffering that must accompany the seemingly endless howls of an overused vacuum cleaner. It is one thing when you yourself are the cleaner and in control of the noise; yet, it is entirely another thing to be subjected to it without any say in the matter, to be helpless, under the thumb of the proprietor of cleanliness. She's like an angel gone insane..an angel because she is doing a good deed essentially..insane because of the excruciating effects thown off on the innocent bystander(s). The bystander in this case is none other than yours truly. If that were not enough, she stops to chat a few times and lo! if her conversation didn't mimick the vacuuming, to my horror and dismay. Talking incessantly, she wouldn't have stopped if I left, bolted, died..and weren't here to listen. I believe I prefer the vacuum to this madness. Almost. No, defiinitely. As by the grace of the good Lord above and just in the nick (nick? why is it 'nick'? or is it 'nic'?) of time I am saved by a customer. How ironic, as customers are my usual tormentors, but not today. I could hug this woman. I might. No..nevermind...on second thought, she would probably leave, frightened and offended, if I were so awkward and bold and I would again be in peril. I'll just wait it out, it couldn't last more than 15 minutes more..right? Right!?!
maria c "Constance" Tired - 13 years, 1 month, 21 days ago