Well, I have been having this huge period of emotional enlightenment lately, and been doing way too much thinking, and im pretty sure in the process ive either pissed off or pushed everyone I care about away from me, because I felt I could go it alone, when in reality deep down inside I know that thats totally impossible, so I sit here alone, on a typical Sunday morning wondering what direction I want my life to go in, who I want to share in that direction with me. Today is seeming more sombre than yesterday because I let my hurt and my pain get the best of me, and I of course had an open mouth insert foot moment yet again, and I find myself having this one particular song on repeat, and I sit here biting my bottom lip trying to fight the tears, but its like by doing that im somehow swimming against the current, and I just no longer possess the strength to do so.

Lyrics To The Song I Mentionned :


Sick Puppies
"All The Same"

I dont mind where you come from
As long as you come to me
But I dont like illusions I cant see
Them clearly
I dont care, no I wouldn't dare
To fix the twist in you
You've shown me eventually what you'll do
I dont mind
I dont care
As long as you're here

[Chorus]

Go ahead and tell me you'll leave again
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It's all the same
And I'll take you for who you are
If you take me for everything
And do it all over again
It's all the same

Hours slide and days go by
Till you decide to come
But in-between it always seems too long
Suddenly
But I have the skill, yeah
I have the will, to breath you in while I can
However long you stay is all that I am

I dont mind, I dont care
As long as you're here

Go ahead and tell me you'll leave again
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It's all the same
And I'll take you for who you are
If you take me for everything
And do it all over again
It's always the same

Wrong or Right
Black or White
If I close my eyes
Its all the same

In my life
The compromise
I'll close my eyes
Its all the same

Go ahead say it
You're leaving
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It's all the same
And I'll take you for who you are now
If you take me for everything
Do it all over again
It's all the same

Jeanie Francis "J's Sextoy NFS" ~ Totally Tickled Pink ~ - 16 years, 2 months, 8 days ago

Well heres a little convo that went on with someone that claimed to be a friend, yet when they were booted from a room that was clearly marked by the owner as anyone that did not know him would be booted, he freaked, and then began to curse me out on IM on facebook, and then proceeded to tell people I was starting shit about him, well heres the convo, does it look like im starting shit.??

Drew

dude

i swear to fucking god

who is this piece of fucking shit?

you know what fuck it

im deleting hp from my apps

nice knowing ya

jesus fucking christ
9:58amJeanie

its Rob

that Me guy
9:58amDrew

HP gone
9:58amJeanie

um okay

why let people get to you that much
9:58amDrew

nope

im deleting it

good bye you fucking whores
9:59amJeanie

whatever you know im not a whore and thats a nasty fucking word to use
10:00amDrew

then ill use GOODBYE CUNT LICKING BITCHES instead

happy?

And rob who?

Fuck that nigger in the ass

im just gonna annoy his ass now

i have hours and hours

so let it be on him

hold on

ill ruin this for you fucking all
10:05amDrew is offline.
Jeanie Francis "J's Sextoy NFS" ~ Totally Tickled Pink ~ - 16 years, 3 months, 20 days ago

Well...

What a week, full of many ups and downs, and not the good ones either lol, and I have once again rose above it, and im starting to realise why those close to me talk about me not giving myself enough credit for dealing with what I deal with but I guess since I do so outta necessity, it just doesnt seem all that spectacular a feat to me. And ive experienced a major period of emotional growth, and have gotten a sense of just how strong I truly am, and I must say ive truly impressed myself and hopefully the growth shall continue....
Jeanie Francis "J's Sextoy NFS" ~ Totally Tickled Pink ~ - 16 years, 4 months, 12 days ago

I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar....

I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar
I May Not Be Perfect,
But Have Managed To Find Perfection,
Beyond My Flaws,
I Strive To Be The Best Me I Can Be,
But Am Only Human,
And Often Faulter Because I Put
The Opinions Of Others Above My
Own Wishes And Desires.

I Love With Every Molecule Of My Being
Eventhough I Might Not Always Show It,
My Heart Is Always Right There,
With Those I Love.
When I Am Alone,
I Find Myself Dreaming Of Change,
Happiness,
Completion,
Yet Am Too Afraid Of Failure,
Therefore Refuse To Even Take The Risk.

I Dont Always Think Before I Speak,
And At Times What I Say,
Gets Misconstrued,
And Actions Sometimes Come Before Logic.
I Am Scared Of Being Alone,
Yet Terrified To Let Myself Be Vulnerable To
Someone,
For Fear My Nightmare Might Become My Reality,
Therefore I Push People Away,
Before The Get Too Close.

I Evade Emotion,
Because Refusing To Let Myself Feel,
Is Sometimes Easier
Than Admitting To Myself That I Am Not
As Strong As I Thought,
That I Am Weak.
I Now Find Myself Trying To Fake A Smile,
To Hide The Fact That It Feels Like My
Heart Has Been Ripped Out Of My Chest,
That I Merely Exist As Matter,
Yet Possess No Soul.

I Try To Make Myself Happy,
Yet Wonder What If,
Wish That Time Were Reversible,
That I Could Fix My Mistakes,
So That This Nightmare Will Finally,
Come To An End.

I Weep, When I Think Of The Damage
That Ive Caused,
The People Ive Hurt,

I Am Woman, I Am Brokehearted, I Roar No Longer..

J.Francis
Aug 11,08
Jeanie Francis "J's Sextoy NFS" ~ Totally Tickled Pink ~ - 16 years, 4 months, 16 days ago

Random Ranting.....

There comes a point in everyones life where they begin to re-evaluate their actions of the past, their actions of the present, in hopes of making their future better, to make their existance happier, and therefore make them a more productive member of society, well candid me, open mouth insert foot, and now im going through that very same period of re-evaluation, surrounding myself with those people that are genuinely good, and I know actually care about me, people that encourage me to be positive, to strive, to rise above the bad, to continue on and not let my past muck up my future, and I find myself utterly lost, no direction I feel like im totally blind and oblivious to whats going on around me and I just cant get rid of that feeling, and it sucks...
Jeanie Francis "J's Sextoy NFS" ~ Totally Tickled Pink ~ - 16 years, 4 months, 16 days ago