sitting alone in your room, trying to think about what you've done with your life. You haven't done a damn thing. You're not going anywhere. You're just running in place, not moving anywhere. It's as though you're stuck. Why can't you move? All you want is to get on with your life. Why is it so hard? You feel yourself suffocating. You have that overwhelming feeling. That feeling that won't ever leave you alone. You want to be happy. Happiness is so foreign to you. It's been so long since you've felt happy. Can that possibly happen? So you ask yourself the same questions over and over again. What have you done? Where are you going? Panic starts to set in. You're terrified and you've never felt so alone in your life. You've alienated yourself from the others. You're on the outside looking in, silently watching everyone else. When will it be your turn? When will it finally happen to you? Will it ever? What are you waiting for? Everything just slips through your fingers. You can't quite hang onto it. You have it for a minute and just like that, it's gone forever. You're left there on your knees, sobbing with your head in your hands. KALEIDOSCOPE "ColourFul SouL"Feisty
- 15 years, 10 months, 18 days ago
You wear this hard shell, your suit of armor. You are jagged around the edges and cold to the touch. You hide yourself behind a mask, keeping parts of yourself hidden and locked away. You have built up these walls so high and barricaded yourself inside. No one can touch you, no one can hurt you. You keep everyone an arm length away. If they start to get close, you push and push. Until you push them so far away that they just give up. You keep on pushing until the uneasiness starts to fade, until the uncomfortableness subsides. You push until you can start to breathe without feeling suffocated. You need help spreading your wings but you've gone at this alone almost your entire life. It's hard to ask for help when you spent so much time telling yourself you don't need it. It's hard to care when you keep telling yourself not to. It's as though a part of yourself is numb completely. That outlet that allowed any sort of feeling shut down completely. Your body is set in self destruct. Nothing can stop you from tearing yourself apart. No on can make you love something when all you feel is numb. So you put on your mask. You fake some smiles. You pretend everything is okay when your brain is screaming at you. You are your own worst enemy. So, you put on your suit of armor day after day. Just so you can pretend you give a damn. It's fun to pretend. It's easier to pretend than it is for you to open up. Opening up comes with hurting and you're tired of hurting. Hearing that cold voice of reality that you desperately try to ignore. But it's not going anywhere. The voice is louder then ever. You just want to cover your ears and run. Run far enough away. Keep running and never look back. KALEIDOSCOPE "ColourFul SouL"Feisty
- 15 years, 10 months, 18 days ago
this thing... wears your face like a mask. I was naive to deny the things you wear like armor. KALEIDOSCOPE "ColourFul SouL"Feisty
- 16 years, 4 months, 7 days ago
Gone Black
Everything is so dark I've locked myself out left myself stranded here lost in this place everything has gone black
When I touch your face it seems like you're so far away there's that look in your eye that makes me want to cry the look that makes me remember why I got locked out I remember now.. why everything has gone black
I say your name I cry out to you but you turned and ran that look back in your eyes everything has gone black
You stand there standing proud pretending not to care you're so tough aren't you? Nothing can touch you but.. everything has gone black
It's only a matter of time before you realize you're all alone realizing this isn't what you wanted But nothing will be there everyone is gone nothing seemed to be enough But now, you're stuck there pretending to be tough showing you don't care you're lost there a place where Everything has gone black KALEIDOSCOPE "ColourFul SouL"Feisty
- 16 years, 4 months, 7 days ago
The song "dream of you" by schiller makes me think about a friend who passed away. I love this song...
KALEIDOSCOPE "ColourFul SouL"Feisty
- 16 years, 4 months, 7 days ago