So I came off my bike, hard. This was the damage, a left AC joint dislocation. Needless to say it hurts. And have since had a hook plate fitted in to it, to pin the whole thing back together
James "Lustful Fireman" THE SIN OF LUST - 9 years, 4 months, 28 days ago

Sometimes it hurts. The knocks, the scrapes, the grabbed bramble. All part of adventure, but some times it hurts. The strain, the pull, the tear, the ligaments and tendons that are meant to hold you together, physically pushed beyond their natural limit, these give, as your shoulders is stretched, some times too far, and the shoulder dislocates. Sometimes it just feels like it is about to explode. The pain lasts, days, weeks, months, conscious of its weakness, how it struggles to perform under duress. The Strength you had, gone in a fleeting moment. And yet you go back. The pain, a distant memory, or perhaps not,but you go back. But the mental torment is there. The second guessing, The fear, the head games. The will I won't I. The clutter, filling your head, making your actions weak, slow, your not feeling it, it doesn't flow, so your head games increase, an ever decreasing circle. You take yourself out, You get a grip, you breath, you shake it off you focus. You find that that inner calm. The stillness, you know this, you feel this. This moment is yours, you pull that trigger, that move, that stroke, the critical timing perfect, blade, body, boat, working in perfect unison with the river, and everything stops. For a split second time freezes, everything is waiting for you, and you have the moment. That vision, that clarity, a singular vision of intent, drive, all against a backdrop that is so sharp as to make everything else dull by comparison. You ask why I do this, you wonder what draws me back, time and time again? You have read this, and maybe you get it. Maybe you know. If not, then I pity you, for a life lived insular. A beige existence, a drudgery of state. Your inner rat, starved to death.........
James "Lustful Fireman" THE SIN OF LUST - 12 years, 7 months, 18 days ago

Daddy tell me about girls?

Son, one day you will make a girl very happy for a short period of time. Then she'll leave you and be with new men who are ten times better than you could ever hope to be.

These men are called kayakers.
James "Lustful Fireman" THE SIN OF LUST - 13 years, 11 months, 1 day ago

To FEED THE RAT is a prevention, a cure. A remedy for being sick and tired of being sick and tired, of anxiety, of confusion. An avoidance technique to prevent each superficial day after superficial day leading to the inevitable thinness of meaning in the endless flatland. A rejection of nebulous limits, demands, being a slave to the clock and a having a life lived in bursts.

Some people are different; only one percent of the world's population will relate to this. These are unique individuals who have their own stimulants. They are detatched from the rest of society, the normal, mundane, dull everyday society. They are unable to endure an existence that is overwhelmingly safe, predictable and tedious. It is a way of life they are compelled to reject.

If it was the case that FEED THE RAT was a person, what would they be like? Probably something like this:

Commited to mastery of their pursuit
Measured and realistic, not fake
Not interested in the trivia of life
Will not readily compromise goals
Is not a follower or swayed by trends
Is calm and exudes calm
Is understated and knows themselves
Knows the risks and takes measures to reduce them
Is not willing to ruin the game by dying because that would be stupid and they abhor stupidity
This Rat stimulation stuff is hardly new, even cavemen hunted Mastodons when they could have grown crops, they knew even then that if they didn't feed the rat inside, the rat would devour them.


James "Lustful Fireman" THE SIN OF LUST - 15 years, 11 months, 3 days ago

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life.

"A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy. "It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves.One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.

This same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather,
"Which wolf will win?"

The old Cherokee simply replied,

"The one you feed

James "Lustful Fireman" THE SIN OF LUST - 15 years, 11 months, 4 days ago