Last Friday, I took a guest to Sagar Ratna Restaurant. I noticed that the waiter had a spoon in his shirt pocket.

I looked around and saw all the waiters had spoons in their pockets.

When the waiter came I inquired, "Why do you place the spoon in your pocket?"

He explained, "The boss hired Accenture Consulting to reengineer our processes. They discovered the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. Approximately 3 spoons per table per hour are dropped. If our staff carry spoons, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his spare one.

"I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now."

I was impressed. I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the Indian waiter's zip. Looking around, I saw that all of the Indian waiters had the same string hanging from their zips. I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, can you tell me why you have that string there?"

Then the Indian waiter lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant. Accenture also suggested we can save time in the restroom. By tying this string to the tip of our manhood, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 45%."

I asked quietly, "After you get it out, how do you put it back?"

He whispered, "_We use the spoon_.
Al Z "My Buddy Al :)" Relaxing! - 6 years, 11 months, 17 days ago

A man spoke frantically into the phone: 'My wife is pregnant and

Her contractions are only two minutes apart.' 'Is this her first child?'

The doctor asked. 'No!' the man shouted, 'This is her husband!'
Al Z "My Buddy Al :)" Relaxing! - 9 years, 10 months, 7 days ago

I ended up with an older woman at a bar last night. She looked pretty good for a 65-year-old.

In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter. We drank a couple of vodkas , and she asked if I'd ever had a 'Sportsman's Double'?

'What's that?' I asked.

'It's a mother & daughter threesome ,' she said.

I said, 'No, I haven't', as my mind began to embrace the idea, and I wondered what her daughter might look like.

We drank a bit more, and then she said with a wink, 'tonight's your lucky night'.

We went back to her place. We walked in...
She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs,

"Hey Mom...you still awake?"

Al Z "My Buddy Al :)" Relaxing! - 10 years, 3 months ago

A pastor was presenting a children's sermon. During the sermon, he asked the children if they knew what the resurrection was.

Now, asking questions during children's sermons is crucial, but at the same time, asking children questions in front of a congregation can also be very dangerous. Having asked the children if they knew the meaning of the resurrection, a little boy raised his hand.

The pastor called on him and the little boy said,
"I know that if you have a resurrection that lasts more than four hours, you are supposed to call the doctor."

It took over ten minutes for the congregation to settle down enough for the worship service to be continued.
Al Z "My Buddy Al :)" Relaxing! - 11 years, 11 months, 8 days ago

Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore.

A friend of mine was wearing one, when he was shot by the woman's husband.
Al Z "My Buddy Al :)" Relaxing! - 12 years, 2 months, 26 days ago