The Two Wolves

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, "My son, the battle is between two "wolves" inside us all..

One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence,empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."

The grand son thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed.




Unknown "Spaniard" Curious - 16 years, 8 months, 24 days ago

A blonde enters a store that sells curtains.
She tells the salesman, "I would like To buy a pair of pink curtains".
The salesman assures her that they have a large selection of pink curtains.
He shows her several patterns, but the blonde seems to be having a hard time choosing.
Finally she selects a lovely pink floral print.
The salesman then asks what size curtains she needs.
The blonde promptly replies, "fifteen inches"
"Fifteen inches???" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small, what room are they for?"
The blonde tells him that they aren`t for a room; they are for her computer monitor.
The surprised salesman replies, "but Miss, computers do not need curtains!"
The blonde says, "Hellllooooooooo ......................... I`ve got Windoooooows!"



Unknown "Spaniard" Curious - 16 years, 8 months, 27 days ago

A blond goes to her local pet store in search of an exotic pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box full of live frogs. The sign says, "Sex Frogs! Only $20 each! Comes with complete instructions." The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody is watching her. She whispers softly to the man behind the counter, "I'll take one."

As the man packages the frog, he quietly says to her, "Just follow the instructions!"

The blond nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home. As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she opens the instructions and reads them very carefully. She does exactly what is specified:

1. Take a shower.
2. Splash on some nice perfume.
3. Slip into a very sexy nightie.
4. Crawl into bed and place the frog down beside you and allow the frog to do what he has been trained to do.

She then quickly gets into bed with the frog; and, to her surprise, nothing happens!

The blond is very disappointed and quite upset at this point. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, "If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store."

So, she calls the pet store. The man says, "I'll be right over."

Within minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell. The blond welcomes him in and says, "See, I've done everything according to the instructions. The frog just sits there."

The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares directly into its eyes, and sternly says: "Listen to me! I'm only going to show you how to do this one more time!


Unknown "Spaniard" Curious - 16 years, 9 months ago

Lost Ball

A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two
black eyes, and a five-iron (Golf) wrapped tightly around his throat.

Naturally, the doctor asked him, "What happened to you?"

Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a
difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a cow pasture. We went to
look for them and while I was looking around, I noticed one of the cows
had something white at its rear end.

I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball
with my wife's monogram on it, stuck right in the middle of the cow's
butt.

Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife,
'Hey, this looks like yours!'

I don't remember much after that."
Unknown "Spaniard" Curious - 16 years, 9 months ago

Why Women Are Crabby

We started to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find that anything that came in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurt so bad it brought us to tears. So came the ridiculously uncomfortable training bra contraption that the boys in school would snap until we had calluses on our backs.

Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we got the hormone crankies, had to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had.

Our next little rite of passage was having sex for the first time which was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.

Then it was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry crackers and water for a few months so we didn't spend the entire day leaning over Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we learned to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we were preparing to have Rosemary's Baby..

Our once flat bellies looked like we swallowed a whole watermelon and we pee'd our pants every time we sneezed. When the big moment arrived, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we had to waddle, with our big cartoon feet, moaning in pain all the way to the ER.

Then it was huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says, "Please stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar. Calm down and push. "Just one more good push" (more like 10), warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the
%$#*@*#!* hubby and doctor square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10 pound bowling ball through a keyhole.

After that, it was time to raise those angels only to find that when all that "cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings morphed into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines.

Then come their "Teen Years." Need I say more?

When the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our early 40's - while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday.

So we progress into the grand finale: "The Menopause," the Grandmother of all womanhood. It's either take HRT and chance cancer in those now seasoned "buds" or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a hog in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that moves.

Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men, when men get off so easy, INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks...

So, while I love being a woman, "Womanhood" would make the Great Gandhi a tad crabby. You think women are the "weaker sex?" Yeah right. Bite me.




Unknown "Spaniard" Curious - 16 years, 9 months ago