DIE F*KKEN KAT

Die polisie kry 'n telefoon oproep om hulp.
"Help asseblief, hier het nou net 'n kat deur die venster geklim!"
"Wat bedoel jy, 'n kat?" vra die polisieman.
"'n Kat! 'n F*kken kat! Hier kom die kat vir my!"
"Maak jy 'n grap?" vra die polisieman. "Met wie praat ek?"
"Met die f*kken papegaai, jou d%$!"
Unknown "Jollie" Frisky - 16 years, 7 months, 13 days ago

A little boy walks in to the lounge one Sunday morning while his Dad is reading the paper.

"Where does poo come from?" he asks.

The father feeling a little perturbed that his 5 year old son is already asking difficult questions thinks for a moment and says:
"Well you know we just ate breakfast?"

"Yes," answers the boy.

"Well the food goes into our tummies and our bodies take out all the good stuff, and then whatever is left over comes out of our bums when we go to the loo, and that is poo."

The little boy looks perplexed, and stares at him in stunned silence for a few seconds and asks:
"And Tigger?"
Unknown "Jollie" Frisky - 16 years, 7 months, 13 days ago

Camel Story....

A new Army Captain was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in the African desert.

During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent.

He asks the Sergeant why the camel is kept there.

The nervous sergeant said, "Well sir, as you know, there are 250 men here on the post and no women. And sir, sometimes the men have 'urges'. That's why we have the camel."

The Captain says, "I can't say that I condone this, but I understand about urges, so the camel can stay."

About a month later, the Captain starts having his own "urges".

Crazy with passion, he asks the Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent.

Putting a ladder behind the camel, the Captain stands on the ladder, pulls his pants down and has wild, insane sex with the camel.

When he's done, he asks the Sergeant, "Is that how the men do it?".

"No... not really, sir... they usually just ride the camel into town where the girls are."
Unknown "Jollie" Frisky - 16 years, 7 months, 13 days ago

SEATBELT

Gauteng Metro policeman pulled a car over and told the driver that because he had been wearing his seat belt he had just won R5 000, in an Arrive Alive safety competition. the driver could hardly believe his luck. "What are you going to do with your cash?" asked the traffic cop. "Well I guess I'm going to get a drivers licence," he answered.

"Oh, don't listen to him," yelled a woman in the passenger seat. "He tries to be smart when he's drunk."

This woke up the guy in the back seat who took one look at the cop and moaned, "I knew we wouldn't get far in a stolen car." At that moment there was a knock from the boot and a voice said, "Are we over the border yet?" The cop fainted.
Unknown "Jollie" Frisky - 16 years, 7 months, 13 days ago

Why Women Cry


A little boy asked his mother, "Why are you crying?" "Because I'm a woman," she told him.

"I don't understand," he said. His Mom just hugged him and said, "And you never will."

Later the little boy asked his father, "Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?"

"All women cry for no reason," was all his dad could say.

The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.

Finally he put in a call to God. When God got on the phone, he asked, "God, why do women cry so easily?"

God said:

"When I made the woman she had to be special.

I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world,

yet gentle enough to give comfort.

I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children.

I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining.

I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt her very badly.

I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart.

I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.

And finally, I gave her a tear to shed. This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed."

"You see my son," said God, "the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart - the place where love resides."
Unknown "Jollie" Frisky - 16 years, 7 months, 13 days ago