A man in a taxi taps the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screams bloody murder, loses control of the cab, and swerves onto the sidewalk before stopping just inches from a lamppost.

After checking to make sure the passenger is OK, the driver says, “I’m sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me.”

“Sorry. I didn’t realize a simple tap on the shoulder would freak you out so much,” the passenger says.

“It’s not your fault,” replies the cabbie. “Today is my first day on the job after 25 years of driving a hearse.”
Unknown "my ex-owner" Purring - 15 years, 9 months, 26 days ago

One Sunday morning, everyone in one bright, beautiful, tiny town got up early and went to the local church.

Before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking about their lives, their families, etc. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon everyone was evacuated from the church, except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving... seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence. Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"

The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

Satan asked, "Aren't you afraid of me?"

"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.

Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"

The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."
Unknown "my ex-owner" Purring - 15 years, 9 months, 26 days ago

This is how I feel right now:


Unknown "my ex-owner" Purring - 15 years, 11 months, 27 days ago

Now I'm talking to that woman again, but keeping distance from her. She makes me wanna drink whiskey sometimes. Oi, oi, oi.
Unknown "my ex-owner" Purring - 16 years, 3 months, 5 days ago

I met a woman. I helped her out and gave her too much. She's gone and mad at me. I did nothing wrong. All the people I used to know are gone too because of her.
Unknown "my ex-owner" Purring - 16 years, 4 months, 2 days ago