The perfect Husband?

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone rings on a
bench and a man engages the hands free speaker- function and begins to
talk.
Everyone else in the room stops and starts to listen.

Man : "Hello"
Woman : "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
Man : "Yes"
Woman : I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's
R1000. Is it ok if I buy it?"
Man : "Sure…go ahead if you like it that much."
Woman : I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2006
models. I saw one I really liked"
Man : "How much?"
Woman : "R390, 000"
Man : "Ok but for that price I want it with all the options."
Woman : "Great! Oh, and one more thing… The house I wanted last year is
back on the market.
They're asking for R950, 000."
Man : "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of R900, 000.
They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand.
If it is really a good price."
Woman : "Ok. I'll see you you later then! I love you so much!!"
Man : "Bye! I love you too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in
astonishment, mouths agape…
He smile and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

Unknown "Jimbo" Playful - 16 years, 6 months, 27 days ago

THE LOVE DRESS

A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son's house.

She knocked on the door then immediately walked in. She was shocked to
see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked.

Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.

'What are you doing?' she asked.

'I'm waiting for Justin to come home from work.' The daughter-in-law
answered.

' But you're naked!' the mother-in-law exclaimed.

'This is my love dress,' the daughter-in-law explained.

'Love dress? But you're naked!'

'Justin loves me to wear this dress,' she explained.

'Every time he sees me in this
dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours.'

The mother-in-law left. When she got home she undressed, showered, put
on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay on
the couch waiting for her husband to arrive.

Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so
provocatively.

' What are you doing?' he asked.

'This is my love dress,' she whispered,
sensually.

'Needs ironing,' he said, 'What's for dinner?'
Unknown "Jimbo" Playful - 16 years, 6 months, 27 days ago

The Italian says: "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with
the finest olive oil, then we made passionate love and I made her scream
non stop for five minutes."
The Frenchman says: "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body
with a special aphrodisiac oil, then we made passionate love. I made her
scream for fifteen minutes straight."
The Indian says: That's nothing. Last night I massaged my wife all over
her body with a special butter. I caressed her entire body with the
butter, then made love and I made her scream for two long hours."
The Italian and Frenchman, astonished, asked, "Two hours, phenomenal!
How did you do it to make her scream for two hours?"
Indian : "I wiped my hands on the curtains."

Unknown "Jimbo" Playful - 16 years, 6 months, 27 days ago

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other
stall saying: "Hi, how are you?"

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the men's restroom
but I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed, "Doin' just fine!"

And the other guy says: "So what are you up to?"

What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this
is too bizarre so I say: "Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling!"

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I
hear another question. "Can I come over?"

Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could
just be polite and end the conversation. I tell him, "No........I'm a little busy right now!!!"

Then I hear the guy say nervously...

"Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other
stall who keeps answering all my questions!!!"
Unknown "Jimbo" Playful - 16 years, 6 months, 27 days ago

Gina returned from a doctor's visit one day and told her husband Pat that the doctor said she only had 24 hours to live.

Wiping away her tears, she asked him to make love to her.

Of course he agreed and they made passionate love.

Six hours later,¦Gina went to him again, and said, "Honey, now I only have
18
hours left to live. Maybe we could make love again?" Pat agreed and again they made love.

Later,¦Gina was getting into bed when she realized she now had only eight hours of life left. she touched Pat's shoulder and said, Honey?

Please? Just one more time before I die." he agreed, then afterward he rolled over and fell asleep.

Gina, however, heard the clock ticking in her head, and she tossed and turned until she was down to only four more hours. She tapped her husband on the shoulder to wake him up.

Honey, I only have four hours left! Could we...?"

Her husband sat up abruptly, turned to her and said, "Listen Gina", I'm not being funny .but I have to get up in the morning and you don't."
Unknown "Jimbo" Playful - 16 years, 6 months, 27 days ago