Disaster strikes- Mrs Portipous blown up by her neighbours washing machine:

The tragic story is told by her grandson, Al Coholic, who is set to benefit from the £34.20 bernie she had in her Swiss bank account.

"Mr Coholic. Tell us what happened."

"Well, she went round to the neighbours to borrow a cup of semi-skimmed milk for her fish when the washing machine started it's self up and started chasing Mumbo the dog around the kitchen. As soon as Mumbo farted, the washing machine just exploded. It's terrible."
Police forensics, unable to enter the house because of the smell, estimate that the dog's fart was ignited by a spark from the washing machine.

"Detective Inspector Tits, can you tell us about the event?"
"No. Get out of my way, I've already told you that I had no saucy affair with Councillor Gettin-Uper and I will not be resigning...I resign."
"Err, thanks Inspector". Mrs Portipous's neighbour, Miss S. Kriscraper, has this to say.
"Oh well. I suppose it's to the Laundrette from now."
"Would you like to comment on Mrs Portipous?"
"Not really. I have no washing machine because of her."
The funeral is due to be held next week and the FIA are looking into ways of slowing down washing machines.

Unknown "Coyote" Content - 16 years, 10 months, 1 day ago

One day, Mrs Portipous walked into her living room and saw some selotape stuck to the window. "Oh dear" said Mrs Portipous, "How did that get there?" "I'd better telephone the Gas Man to come and move it." But unfortunately, when she picked up the phone, a 250 ton Russian nuclear bomb just happened to fall on her cat and exploded, vaporising all the Marigolds in her garden. "That will damage the grass for sure" she thought.


Unknown "Coyote" Content - 16 years, 10 months, 1 day ago

What is an Italian virgin?
A girl that can run faster then her brother!
Unknown "Coyote" Content - 16 years, 10 months, 1 day ago