> > Dear Alcohol,
> >
> > First and foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge
> > fan of yours.
> > As my friend, you always seem to be there when
> > needed. The perfect
> > post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're
> > even around at the
> > holidays (hidden inside chocolates as you warm us
> > when we're stuck in
> > the midst of endless family gatherings).
> >
> > However, lately I've been wondering about your
> > intentions. While I want
> > to believe that you have my best interests at heart,
> > I feel that your
> > influence has led to some unwise consequences:
> >
> > 1. Phone calls and text messages:
> > While I agree with you that communication is
> > important, I question the
> > suggestion that any conversation after 2 a.m. can
> > have much substance or
> > necessity. Why would you make me call my ex's?
> > Especially when I know,
> > for a fact, they DO NOT want to hear from me during
> > the day, let alone
> > all hours of the night.
> >
> > 2. Eating:
> > Now, you know I love a good meal. But, why do you
> > suggest that I eat a
> > taco with chili sauce along with a big Italian
> > meatball and some stale
> > chips (washed down with wine & topped off with a Kit
> > Kat AFTER a few
> > cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? I'm an eclectic
> > eater but, I think
> > you went too far this time.
> >
> > 3. Clumsiness:
> > Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need
> > to do more yoga to
> > improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer this
> > issue home by causing
> > me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and
> > the black & blue marks
> > that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are
> > beyond me.
> > Similarly, it should never take me more than 45
> > seconds to get the front
> > door key into the lock.
> >
> > 4. Furthermore:
> > The hangovers have GOT to stop! This is getting
> > ridiculous. I know a
> > little penance for our previous evening's debauchery
> > may be in order.
> > But, the 3 p.m. hangover immobility is completely
> > unacceptable. My
> > entire day is shot. I ask that if the proper
> > precautions are taken
> > (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to
> > going to
> > sleep/passing out (face down on the kitchen floor
> > with a bag of popcorn
> > or wherever). The hangover should be minimal and in
> > no way interfere
> > with my daily activities.
> >
> > Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some
> > years now and would like
> > to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been
> > the invoker of great
> > stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the
> > needed companion
> > when I just don't know what to do with the extra
> > money in my pockets.
> > In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you
> > carefully review my
> > grievances above and address them immediately. I
> > will look for an answer
> > no later then an Friday 3 p.m. (pre happy hour) on
> > your possible
> > solutions. And hopefully we can continue this
> > fruitful partnership.
> > Thank you,
> > Your Biggest Fan
> > P.S. Please take a moment or two and note the
> > following items below
> > that I think may be of some interest to you.
> >
> > Things that are difficult to say when drunk:
> > 1. Innovative
> > 2. Preliminary
> > 3. Proliferation
> > 4. Cinnamon
> >
> > Things that are very difficult to say when drunk:
> > 1. Specificity
> > 2. British Constitution
> > 3. Passive-Aggressive Disorder
> >
> > Things that are impossible to say when drunk:
> > 1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
> > 2. Nope, no more beer for me.
> > 3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
> > 4. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out
> > tonight?

Unknown "EagleSoul" Feisty - 16 years, 10 months, 3 days ago