THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

Fnor "Dragon Heart ;)" Daring - 15 years, 8 months, 28 days ago

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Transubstantiate
Fnor "Dragon Heart ;)" Daring - 15 years, 8 months, 28 days ago

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. No thanks, I'm married.
2. Nope, no more booze for me !
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Kebab ? No thanks, I'm not hungry.
5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight ?
6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
7. I'm not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool !
9. Where is the nearest bathroom ? I refuse to pee in this parking lot or on the side of the road.
10. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning.
Fnor "Dragon Heart ;)" Daring - 15 years, 8 months, 28 days ago

Older Women Are So Practical

AFTER BEING MARRIED FOR 42 YEARS,
I TOOK A CAREFUL LOOK AT MY WIFE ONE DAY AND SAID,
'HONEY, 42 YEARS AGO WE HAD A CHEAP APARTMENT, A
CHEAP CAR, SLEPT ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHED A
10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV, BUT EVERY NIGHT I GOT
TO SLEEP WITH A HOT 19-YEAR-OLD GAL.

NOW I HAVE A $500,000 HOME, A $45,000 CAR, NICE BIG
BED AND PLASMA SCREEN TV, BUT NOW I'M SLEEPING
WITH A 61-YEAR-OLD WOMAN. IT SEEMS TO ME THAT
YOU'RE NOT HOLDING UP YOUR SIDE OF THINGS.'

MY WIFE IS A VERY REASONABLE WOMAN.
SHE TOLD ME TO GO OUT AND FIND ME A HOT
19-YEAR-OLD GAL, AND SHE WOULD MAKE SURE THAT I
WOULD ONCE AGAIN BE LIVING IN A CHEAP APARTMENT,
DRIVING A CHEAP CAR, SLEEPING ON A SOFA BED AND
WATCHING A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV.

AREN'T OLDER WOMEN GREAT?

THEY REALLY KNOW HOW TO SOLVE OUR MID-LIFE CRISIS ! ! !

Fnor "Dragon Heart ;)" Daring - 15 years, 8 months, 28 days ago

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive double-pane energy-efficient kind.

Yesterday, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the windows had been installed a whole year ago and I hadn't paid for them yet.

Now just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So I told him just exactly what his fast-talking sales guy had told ME last year ... Namely, that in just ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves! Helllooooo!' I told him, 'It's been a year!'

There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up. He hasn't called back, probably too embarrassed about forgetting the guarantee they made me. Bet he won't underestimate my intelligence again.
Fnor "Dragon Heart ;)" Daring - 15 years, 10 months, 5 days ago