Samantha Shaman "sultry sam" Run To Me - 16 years, 2 months, 23 days ago

I love people, because we are all different and we each have something different to contribute and if we could all appreciate that then the world would be a nicer place. A MUCH nicer place. But... every so often I am so deeply saddened by how... cruel and fucked up some people aretthat it makes me want to retract and rethink my optimism and my natural disposition to try to treat everyone fairly and with automatic equality and kindness.

Ignorance.. freaks me out more than anything. Arrogant vanity is a close second... and people that automatically look at others from what they see as higher ground - that makes my blood boil so that my grip on my temper nearly slips through my fingers. Blind rage.. is almost like coffee in the morning, or the first time you kiss someone you have been wanting to kiss forever.. its like slipping into a hot bath when you muscles ache and you are tired. The euphoria.. the.. elation and the release is like heroine.

I am a soft and kind soul. I dont like hurting people, verbally or otherwise. But I find it alarmingly easy to do when it is someone who has pushed that 'injustice' button inside me that triggers that rage... and if I dont let it out.. all my anger and all my fury collects like sharp shards of glass in my back and in my shoulders and I am in pain until I go to physio.. or until I punch a boxing bag for so long my hands ache or I physically cant anymore.

Anger management? Perhaps. A guage on how screwed up people are? Also.. perhaps.

All I know is that its instant. I snap.. and.. I suddenly dont want to talk anymore. I dont want to try to explain something to someone that clearly they didnt have the capacity to get in the first place. So I have choices.. I can either shut up and step away and spend 400 bucks on physio while I clench my teeth and hold onto the bars beneath the bed with white knuckles and curse every stroke of her hands.. OR.. I can take a sip of that coffee, have that hot bath, saveour that kiss, sit back and feel the heroine seep through my soul.

What would you choose?
Samantha Shaman "sultry sam" Run To Me - 16 years, 7 months, 5 days ago

One day.. when I get to heaven.. assuming I get there.. one of the first questions I am going to ask is: Why do moths fly straight towards the light? Why to they fly INTO it and not just TO it. And why.. oh WHY... do bugs of all kinds not recognise a great pool of water (like my bath - WHILE I am in it) - as a place that is NOT clever to fly into.. I mean.. windows I understand.. but light and water? I dont get it..
Samantha Shaman "sultry sam" Run To Me - 16 years, 9 months, 18 days ago

I NEVER get bitten by mozzies. Ever. But there is a kamakazi mach speed mutant mofo mozquito and I have been bitten (and this is NO exaggeration) a total of 17 times.

I cant declare war because I cant catch the critter...

I cant raise a white flag because quite frankly, my dear, it doesnt give a damn.

I cant protect myself becuse my darling brother and my to be sister in law used all the mozzie spray. There is a pretty EMPTY tin of the stuff sitting teasing me on the bathroom window cill.

So.. I have fled.

And I am so mad. Because ALL I want to do is sleep..


I just sprayed mountains of perfume on myself in the hope that if I smell like a brothel they would go away. But im giving myself a headache.
Samantha Shaman "sultry sam" Run To Me - 16 years, 11 months, 25 days ago