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Gardening Rule:


When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it.


If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.


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The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.


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Never take life seriously.


Nobody gets out alive anyway.


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There are two kinds of pedestrians -- the quick and the dead.


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Life is sexually transmitted.


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An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.


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If quitters never win, and winners never quit,


Then who is the fool who said : 'Quit while you're ahead?'


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The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.


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Always get the last word in: Apologize.


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Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day;

Teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.


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Some people are like Slinkies . .

Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.


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Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.


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Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?


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Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.


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How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?


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All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to
her and say: 'I am very rich.
'Marry me!' - That's Direct Marketing... '

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2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a
gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and
pointing at you says: 'He's very rich.
'Marry him.' -That's Advertising. ..'


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3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to
her and get her telephone number. The next day, you
call and say: 'Hi, I'm very rich.
'Marry me - That's Telemarketing. ..'


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4. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up
and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour
her a drink, you open the door (of the car)'Marry Me?' - That's Public Relations... '


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5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks
up to you and says:'You are very rich!
'Can you marry ! me?' - That's Brand Recognition. ..'


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6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to
her and say: 'I am very rich. Marry me!' She gives you
a nice hard slap on your face. - 'That's Customer Feedback...'


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7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to
her and say: 'I am very rich. Marry me!' And she
introduces you to her husband. - 'That's demand and supply gap...'


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8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to
her and before you say anything, another person come
and tell her: 'I'm rich. Will you marry me?' and she
goes with him - 'That's competition eating into your market share...'


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9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to
her and before you say: 'I'm rich, Marry me!' your
wife arrives. - 'That's restriction for entering new markets...'