Relationship suicide: things you should never say to your lover
Even if you pride yourself on your open and honest relationship, there are times when over familiarity and frankness can get you into trouble. Take heed and think before you speak if you want your relationship to prosper…
“You knew I was this way when you met me.”
Uh oh! This is a classic example of passive aggression. Instead of trying to address your own flaws, you’re trying to hold your partner partially responsible for your shortcomings. Before getting riled that your partner is behaving unreasonably, stop and think what this little statement actually says about you. Here’s a rough translation - “I refuse to evolve as a person and am resistant to change. Deal with it.” Do you really want to paint yourself in such a bad light? Do you really have no intention of attempting compromise? If the answer is no, it’s better to admit your faults and say something like “I know I’m difficult, but I am trying to change.”
“You’re 95% perfect.”
Even if it’s meant as a massive compliment, this statement is guaranteed to have completely the opposite effect. The person on the receiving end won’t be able to stop themselves from wondering - and possibly even obsessing over - why they aren’t scoring full marks in the perfection stakes instead of being flattered. The lesson here? Stick to positive affirmations like “You’re the one for me.” Make sure your compliments are just that - there’s no room for discrepancy - avoid saying anything that could be misconstrued or used against you.
“I wish you were more/less like my ex.”
It’s perfectly natural to find yourself comparing a previous partner to your present one at times but it’s never a wise move to actually say so out loud. Be prudent and bite your tongue whenever you’re tempted to drag your ex’s name into an argument. Being measured favourably or unfavourably to a past love is not only mean but also an unconstructive form of criticism that has the potential to ruin your relationship. So keep the ex-talk at bay even when things get heated.
“Then I guess we shouldn’t be dating.”
Every couple argues – it’s no big deal, just so long as you don’t end up making sweeping statements like this one when you really don’t mean them. Do you actually intend to breakup over something trivial like your boyfriend/girlfriend not putting the rubbish out, or forgetting you don’t like mushrooms? If the answer is no, then forget the drama or run the risk your other half taking you up on the offer. Reserve the fighting talk for when you genuinely want out of a relationship.
“You’re not fat from the front, just from the side.”
Honesty is not always the best policy when it comes down to the issue of women and weight. This is one of the rare occasions on which we advocate a little bending of the truth to save any hurt feelings. Changing the subject all together is also an option. Saying something like “Your hair looks really nice.” Or “Are those new shoes?” should help steer you off the path to destruction.
“You’re bad in bed!”
If things in the bedroom aren’t quite as earth-shattering as you’d hoped, this certainly isn’t going to help matters. Ridiculing your lover about their performance between the sheets is cruel, hurtful and will leave them feeling vulnerable. A statement like this even if there’s only a grain of truth behind it could even herald the end of your relationship. Suggest switching up your love making moves and sensitively initiating something a little different will reap more enjoyable rewards.
Carl Morgan "Sweet Smiler" Cheeky
- 13 years, 8 months, 10 days ago
