What is love?

I am not entirely sure if what I have arrived at is true, given the limited experiences I have. The only thing I am sure of is that love entails some letting go. It is allowing the other to grow, to pursue his happiness even if that pursuit does not include my own. Love keeps one happy with the thought that the one you let go will be happy, even if it means being without him. As Marcel would put it, "To love anybody is to expect something from him, something which can neither be defined nor foreseen; it is at the same time in some way to make it possible for him to fulfill this expectation." In setting him free, the only expectation I can hold now is that he will be happy. But it is by letting go that I can give him the possibility of being happy.

Even without this other person, loving transforms life into living. Love puts action into life. Life is not life when lived in passivity. Life becomes dynamic when one loves. Love colors the boredom that the routine of life brings. Breathing is no longer just for the purpose of keeping the self alive, it becomes living for the loved one.

Is loving the same as having? It is not. If I claim ownership of someone, he will not be the same person I loved when he was not my possession. Owning something is the same as personalizing it. If an object is personalized, it loses its character. It becomes a reflection of the self. When this happens, then what I love is myself, not the other.

Having someone makes it so much harder to let him go. But if one just loves with respect for the other person, then letting go becomes less difficult. It will never be easy, because there will always be a desire to have that person. Maybe it's human nature to be greedy and to want what one loves. But in the course of having, love disappears.

So loving someone is hard. It seems to be having but it is not. It is a conscious action so that it is not allowed to turn into ownership. It is a giving in to one's very nature, to one's desire to want the best for the loved one. But at the same time, it also entails some control over one's natural impulse to own.

But what is it to be loved? I believe that being loved entails utmost patience. Being loved is an act based on the other person. It is hard in the sense that one cannot control how the other loves. It is like having a stranger hold one's hand. There is fear that this person will lead one to an unknown place. There is apprehension that it will into a grasp. What if he does not let go? The only thing that can loosen this grasp is time.

Patiently waiting for time to knock some sense into the other or the self is probably one of life's hardest tasks. Time stretches into infinity when one is holding on to someone even if it is not reciprocated. There is again this notion that one can have this person but the truth is, one can never have him or anyone else for that matter.

Is it not hard to know that a person does not love you the way you want him to? It is one of life's greatest tensions: the incongruence between how one is being loved and how one loves. To be loved is also hard because it involves acknowledging the possibility that one can never control how the other person loves. It involves an uncertainty which can condense into fear.

So which is harder between loving and being loved? I still haven't come to a conclusion. The intensity by which love impacts a person can make everything both easy and hard. To love someone makes it easier to live, but at the same time, life can be harder because that someone can never be owned. To be loved entails patience which forms character. But it also involves a fear, an uncertainty.

The more important question is, will love ever be easy? I want to believe it is, but life proves otherwise.

- by Cherie Ann Lo, 20, is a BS Psychology senior at the Ateneo de Manila University Philippines Inquirer
Unknown "Jazzie" Serene - 15 years, 11 months, 26 days ago

LOVE IS...

Love is just like waiting for a bus. When the bus comes, you look at it and you say to yourself "eeee...so full. . .cannot sit down".

"I'll wait for the next one". So you let the bus go and waited for the second bus. Then the second bus came, you looked at it you say, "eeee. . .this bus is so old...so shabby!" So you let the bus go and again, decided to wait for the next bus.

After a while another bus came, it's not crowded, not old but you said, "eeee. . . not air-conditioned. . .better wait for the next one". So again you let the bus go and decided to wait for the nextbus. Then the sky started to get dark as it is getting late. You panicked and jumped immediately inside the next bus. It is not until much later that you found out that you had boarded the wrong bus!

So you wasted your time and money waiting for what you want! Even if an air-conditioned bus comes, you can't ensure that the air-conditioned bus won't break down or whether or not the air condition will be too cold for you. So people.. . wanting to get what you want is not wrong. But it wouldn't hurt to give other person a chance, right? If you find that the "bus" doesn't suit you just press the red button and get off the bus! (as simple as that!) Hey who said life is fair??? The best thing to do is be observant and open while you scrutinize the bus. If it doesn't suit you, get off. But you must always have an extra something which you could use for the next bus that comes.

But wait. . .I'm sure you have this experience before. . .You saw a bus coming (the bus you want, of course) you flagged it but the driver acted as if he did not see you and zoomed pass you! It just wasn't meant for you! The bottom line is, being loved is like waiting for a bus you want. Getting on the bus and appreciating the bus by giving it a chance depends totally on you. If you haven't made any choice, WALK! Walking is like being out of love. The good side of it is you can still choose any bus you want... the rest who couldn't afford another ride would just have to be content with the bus they rode on, ugly or not.

One more thing. . . sometimes its better to choose a bus you are already familiar with rather than gamble with a bus that is unfamiliar to you. But then again, life wouldn't be complete without the risks involved.

BUT THERE'S ONE BUS THAT I FORGOT TO TELL YOU ABOUT - THE BUS THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO WAIT FOR. . .IT WILL JUST STOP ON ITS OWN AND WILL ASK YOU TO COME INSIDE AND TAKE A FREE RIDE FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. . .
Unknown "Jazzie" Serene - 16 years, 9 days ago

LOVE IS...

Learning to forgive someone at once. Do not wait for the second time, third or nth time till you forgive him. If you really love someone, put your trust in him and accept him for who he is. Although others may say that you should test his sincerity, you should not play with his feelings or he might get tired of loving you. Learn to forgive at once but also learn not to forgive for a crime committed several times. Always keep in mind though that if you are really meant for each other, whatever the obstacles are, love will find its way back home.

Do not believe in love at first sight, for love develops and grows. When it fully blooms,
that's when its sweeter and worth keeping. It's not something you just "think" but it's
something you "believe and fight for."
Unknown "Jazzie" Serene - 16 years, 9 days ago