It's not a surprise the fact that I talk to my food. And the fact that this is the least of my peculiar habits. I compliment the ingredients when I start cooking, I coo over the deserts when they are in the oven and I have been known to give names to peppers and the occasional tomato. I do not, however, speak to my food once I have platted it... because that would be just plain weird. :)

I did a little survey among the people I know and I found out that most of my friends and acquaintances talk to the Great Nothing when they wash the dishes, iron shirts or buy groceries. Well, one of the people I asked looked at me strangely and left the room, but I'm sure he did that only because he wanted another cocktail.

The conclusion of my query opens up two possibilities: most of the people I know are weird and will grow up to be a part of the delightful but odd group of people who talk to themselves in buses, supermarkets and other public places. Or (I like this conclusion better) most of us speak to ourselves when we do an activity that excites, annoys or stirs in us any other strong feeling, and it's ok.

I'm sure you will also feel the sudden need for a cocktail when I will tell you that not only do I speak to my food, but it often answers back. Each type of food has it's voice and personality. Except cauliflower... it speaks German and I can't understand that.

Chocolate desserts are lazy and they always use proper English. They are snobs, even though they won't admit it. Rice dishes always sound like a group of tiny chinese people crammed in a small space... a bit agitated and a lot freaked out. Oven roasted meat speaks with a southern accent (my version of a Georgian drawl) and I'm sure that fishes talk too, but since they refuse to speak English, I'm not quite sure what they are saying. Cookies are my favorite because they are cheerful and attention seeking.

I'm sure that analyzing my custom of animating objects could bring forth the conclusion that I like companionship and I need kindred spirits. But I like more the possibility that I'm very creative and I have a rich inner life. Just as I like to think I'm not weird if I enjoy organizing condiments and if I refuse to say out loud the names of some french dishes. Pissaladiere and clafoutis sound slightly naughty... don't you think?!
Anyway, I'm positive that it's ok, after all, even the cookies assured me.
Oana "oma" Feisty - 14 years, 3 months, 17 days ago

I would like you to meet my new pet basil. His name happens to be Basil. He loves it because it's so very British and it reminds him of a favorite author. I love it because it's easy to remember, I wouldn't want to call him with the wrong name and hurt his feelings.

No, he isn't the sensitive one in this story... I am. To comprehend my utter fear, you would have to know something about my long, long history in murdering house plants. A talent I don't want but can't seem to get rid of. Although my grandparents on both sides of the family are farmers, I have no green thumb what so ever. I could even say I have the anti-green thumb because many plants have withered while in my loving care.

While my sister and mother can grow roses and lemon trees and bloody bushes on their balconies, I once made a cactus implode, just by staring at him. I am not joking, it really happened!

You could understand even better my trepidation if I were to tell you about the rosemary I brought with me from Italy. He lasted only two weeks and while I was told I should have remembered to give him some water more that once a week... I console myself that he was just homesick and died of a broken heart.
Oana "oma" Feisty - 14 years, 4 months, 2 days ago

CURIOUS LISTS - a joint project with the ever so lovely Dori

Motives for eating a cheese sandwich:
- you are a classy mouse (Dori)
- you are feeding a secret cheese addiction (me)

Generalizations one can make about chocolate sauce:
Dori wrote:
- can be used in foreplay! :)
- makes me feel racist towards the white chocolate sauce (reverse racism that is)
I wrote:
- it's brown
- you can't have it with steak
- it will always finds it's way out of the bottle and stain important stuff
- if you're not careful, it will give you a mustache.

Right now I'm contemplating a list called "Knightly duties":
- being kind to small children, ugly animals and lower forms of plant life
- retrieving fallen hankies, lost handbags and lifting the spirits of cloistered maidens
- looking cool and "knightly" in an armor
- knowing the Latin names for: tunic, horse and abstinence.
Oana "oma" Feisty - 14 years, 4 months, 5 days ago

This tale is for my new owner: John. Now he can't say he didn't know what he was doing.

My last owner felt the need to say I'm a lousy pet. Thank you, sis! If the day has arrived when even family members feel the need to tell you the truth... Well, that is a really crappy day. :)
Of course she was humorous and really witty. I'll give you the abbreviated version. Something about me never being present, not petting or thumbing enough and not sending her "I fucking love my owner!" items in pink, sparkly letters. Since it's basically true I can think of only one argument in my favor: " Hey, at least I'm cheap!"
If you would twist my arm and make me point fingers, I would say that my dog made me do it. You would have to twist my arm not because it would be a lie but because I'm afraid of being disrespectful. She's scary sometimes... most of the times, particularly when I wake up and find she's staring at me again.
Mika is almost eleven years old. She's really cute in a big, cranky German shepherd kind of way. And I swear that, although she's about 40 kilos and has really big teeth, she thinks she's a cat. A cuddly cat, that plays evil mind games with you and makes you doubt your sanity. Yeah, that's right... that kind of cat!
She allows me to do things for her. Take her on walks and dry her paws whenever it rains outside but I can see her staring at me every time I change the brand of dog food. She fucking knows when I buy cheaper food and she looks at me disapprovingly for minutes at a time. Which, in turn, makes me glad her energy levels aren't so high these days, because, when she was younger, she had the most creative punishments for me. One day she took a bag of white flour from a low cupboard and murdered it the middle of the kitchen. She waited for me to enter the premises and started digging. Another day I locked her in my brother's room and she ate the only object I had here... my credit card. I found bits of the card for days, all over the apartment. I think she spread them around to help me realize she meant business. She was very creative and while I am really proud of how smart she is... I start each day by getting on my knees and thanking the powers that be for old age.
Mika lets me know when she wants something from me (food, water or a walk) but most of the time she acts like I'm invisible. Once in a blue moon she wants to be petted but she doesn't tell me like a normal dog would... by wagging her tail or something cute like than. No, she gets on her back with her paws in the air and her face says: "Well come on, human, I don't have all day!"
A friend told me the other day that Mika is just as antisocial as I am. Which, let me tell you came as total shock! I always though that I'm a nice, warm, easy to get along with, person. I admit I'm not nauseatingly cheerful but I haven't driven anyone to suicide just by looking at them. So I figure I'm ok. I like kids if it's not really early in the morning and I don't hurt small animals. So, hey, I figure I'm not bad. The really sick part is that Mika, probably thinks the same thing about herself.
Oana "oma" Feisty - 14 years, 5 months, 10 days ago

1. Food can solve any problem, suffering or indecision. I have soup when I'm cold, a slice of chocolate cake when I feel like crying, and I make cookies when I want time to think about something.

2. No I'm not fat, yet. I will get back to you in one year or so... I believe I will have fixed this problem.

3. I have slips of paper with recipes written on them in very strange places, all around my house. Take your mind out of the gutter... I meant my sock drawer or a pair of boots.

4. I am a very messy person, the things around me and my thoughts included. The only exception to this is my kitchen. I really like to organize my condiments drawer, it's a hobby actually.

5. About thirty people have told me that I am sarcastic, at one point or another in my life. I better not answer that, because I tend to be mean when I feel cornered.

6. I read manga every day.

7. It's a secret pain of mine the fact that I can't sing to save my life.

8. I want to be Jamie Oliver's kitchen bitch but I'm still working up the courage to send him an e-mail.

9. People who believe in Astrology and Zodiac signs creep me out. Stop trying to win me over, I'm not coming to the dark side even if you have cookies.

10. I do not understand poetry. After the first two or three lines the words start swirling in my head and I get very, very sleepy.

11. I associate all modern art with a giant sponge for washing dishes that smells of marijuana. I don't have copyright for that, so you can use it if it fancies you.

12. I have low blood pressure so waking up is painful for me and scary for those trying to rise me from my slumber. In those peculiar moments I can kill people with my Evil Eye.

13. I believe I was a samurai in a past life. There is no other way to explain my interest in everything japanese.

14. I believe self irony is the greatest form of humor.

15. I wish I was a team leader or a person who is able to convince people to do stuff. Even more than that I would love to be an Evil Leader and I secretly hope my reign will start one of these days.

16. I think genetics and my parents played the ultimate joke on me when they gave me this stupid baby face. It makes it difficult to train for my job as an Evil Leader.

17. I've had some funny to strange nicknames over the time. My friend and co-worker Iulia being the mastermind behind the greatest of them all: Bestia (Beast) Teriyaki, Lord of the Shrimps. I like to call myself Fluffy the Reaper.

18. I played football with the boys back home when I was growing up. The results of that period are my scarred knees and ability to drink with the best of them.

19. I want to be a chef when I grow up and since I look like I'm 14, I figure I can wait ten years before I attempt anything in that direction. God forbids they would turn me down because I'm not of legal age yet.

20. Having a lemon tree in my courtyard is my fantasy. That and an affair with a character from a favorite anime. You're not gonna believe this but he has a very big sword.

21. I have an acute sense of smell, that's why I don't like wearing perfume or why I can't smoke.

22. I don't like small dogs.

23. I like to watch old American movies: Singing in the rain, Casablanca, Wizard of Oz, Cat on a hot tin roof.

24. My dog Mika can understand everything I say. And yes I did talk to a doctor about this, but he wasn't able to convince me otherwise.

25. I do believe in soul mates and all that shit. I've known mine for 23 years. Lucky me!
Oana "oma" Feisty - 14 years, 7 months, 11 days ago