Amazingly SIMPLE Home Remedies! :P

1. IF YOU'RE CHOKING ON AN ICE CUBE, SIMPLY POUR A CUP OF BOILING WATER DOWN YOUR THROAT. PRESTO! THE BLOCKAGE WILL INSTANTLY REMOVE ITSELF.

2. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.

3. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.

4. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.

5. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

6. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

7. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

8. REMEMBER - EVERYONE SEEMS NORMAL UNTIL YOU GET TO KNOW THEM.

9. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.

DAILY THOUGHT: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.
Unknown "Not for sale ..." Peaceful - 16 years, 6 months, 12 days ago

Just a little ha-ha! :)

Bet we all would be there looking for a window bed, hahah.


The Bathtub Test

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked
the Director how do you determine whether or not a
patient should be institutionalized.

'Well,' said the Director, 'we fill up a bathtub,
then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.'

'Oh, I understand,' said the visitor. 'A normal person
would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup.'

'No.' said the Director, 'A normal person would pull
the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?'

DO YOU WANT THE BED
NEXT TO MINE ?:)
Unknown "Not for sale ..." Peaceful - 16 years, 7 months, 13 days ago

Today's ha-ha! :)

Two ladies talking in heaven:


1st woman: Hi! My name is Wanda.

2nd woman: Hi! I'm Kelly. How'd you die?

1st woman: I Froze to Death.

2nd woman: How Horrible!

1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?

2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st woman: So, what happened?

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive

:P
Unknown "Not for sale ..." Peaceful - 16 years, 8 months, 27 days ago

Just a little ha-ha for the day! :) Take care!

Never Argue with a Woman

One morning the husband returns after several
hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the
lake, the wife decides totake the boat out. She motors out a short
distance, anchors, and reads her book. Along comes a Game Warden in his
boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What
are you doing?" "Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that
obvious?") "You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her
I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading" "Yes, but you
have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.
I'll have to take you in and write you up." "For reading a book," she
replies, "You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her again,
I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading" "Yes, but you
have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.
I'll have to take you in and write you up." "If you do that, I'll have
to charge you with Sexual assault," says the woman. "But I haven't
even touched you," says the game warden. "That's true, but you have all
the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment." "Have a
nice day ma'am," and he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who
reads. It's likely she can also think.

Unknown "Not for sale ..." Peaceful - 16 years, 9 months, 14 days ago

ok...joke for the day..my mother-in-law sent this to me LOL....


Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having
a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues
smoking.

Maude: What in the hell is that?

Mabel: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get
wet.

Maude: Where did you get it?

Mabel: You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day, Maude hobbles herself into the local
drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her
kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very
delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.

'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a
Camel.'

The pharmacist fainted.

Everybody stay warm! :)
Unknown "Not for sale ..." Peaceful - 16 years, 9 months, 16 days ago