Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking. Maude: What in the hell is that?
Mabel: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet. Maude: Where did you get it?
Mabel! : You can get them at any drugstore.The next day, Maude hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.

"Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel."
The pharmacist fainted.
Unknown ".•♥*BFFMater" Cheeky - 16 years, 7 months, 24 days ago

The Value of a Drink

"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink
I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think
about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes
and dreams . If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered..
Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their
dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
Unknown ".•♥*BFFMater" Cheeky - 16 years, 8 months, 11 days ago

If you woke up one morning and saw me in your bed, what would you do?

1) Go back to sleep
2) Slap me
3) Cuss me out
4) Push me off the bed
5) Just tell me to leave
6) Climb on top of me and cuddle
7) Do me
8) Make me breakfast
9) Ask me my name
10) Call the cops
Unknown ".•♥*BFFMater" Cheeky - 16 years, 8 months, 11 days ago