The nun teaching at Sunday School was speaking to her class one morning and she asked a question,
'When you die and go to Heaven...which part of your body goes first?'

Suzy raised her hand and said, 'I think it's your hands.'
'Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?'
Suzy replied, 'Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first.'
'What a wonderful answer!' the nun said.

Little Johnny raised his hand and said, 'Sister, I think it's your feet.'
The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face. 'Now, Little Johnny, why do you think it would be your feet?'
Little Johnny said, 'Well, last night when I walked into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom, Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she was yelling, Oh! God, I'm coming!'
Luckily Daddy was there to pin her down, if not we'd have lost her.'

The Nun fainted.
Unknown "mr. yuen" Sad - 16 years, 8 months, 18 days ago

A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man was impressed,

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.

Then…………………

he married the one with the biggest tits
Unknown "mr. yuen" Sad - 16 years, 8 months, 18 days ago

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed.

To the first mother he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You even named your daughter Candy."

He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

He turned to the third mom. "Your obsession is alcohol and your child's name is Brandy."

At this point, the fourth mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go home."
Unknown "mr. yuen" Sad - 16 years, 8 months, 26 days ago

The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race
again and it won again.
The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day, the local paper headline read:

BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid
of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby
convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline
the next day:

NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid
of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read:

NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back
the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read:

NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

The bishop was buried the next day.

The moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion
can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.
So be yourself and enjoy life...
Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier and
live longer!
Have a nice day!
^^
Unknown "mr. yuen" Sad - 16 years, 9 months, 21 days ago

When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise, God appeared and said, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who were true heads of their household, and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women. I want all the women to report to St. Peter." Soon the women were gone and there were two lines of men. The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long, and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man.
God said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves, I created you to be the Head of your household! You have been disobedient and have not fulfilled your purpose! Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him."
God turned to the one man, "How did you manage to be the only one in this line?"

The man replied, "My wife told me to stand here."
Unknown "mr. yuen" Sad - 16 years, 9 months, 21 days ago