OK, it is official. I am a total pussy. I should start this out by saying I own a 108 year old Victorian home here in St. Paul, MN. For all it's charms, it has a few "issues". One of those is bats... Yes, I have bats in my bellfree, but beyond that they sometimes get in the house... drafty house, lots of holes.

So it's 3:00AM and I hear something in the bedroom... and I turn on the light to find a bat circling the bed and ceiling fan. I should at this point tell you, for some unkown reason, I am a screaming sissy when it comes to bats. Don't know why, but they totally freak me out. ...that and bees, but that is another story.

I manage to get it out of the room and into the house proper. I get out the Bat Kit (yes, this happens often enough, I have a plan... Tennis Racket, small garbage can and cardbord...those of you who have this problem, know what those are for).

The point of this is to stun the bat and cover him/her with the garbage can and slide the cardboard underneath and trot the bat outside.

So I manage to strike the bat, but not stun it... it circles lower in it's flight, I slide lower to the floor to avoid it's flight plan... and it lands on the bathroom door casing.

Now, it is off to the side of the casing with one of it's wing/feet over the molding holding on. I can't really find a way to get the garbage can around it and still not have it fly in my face... so I wait.

..and I think.

...and I wait.

Perhaps I could get a towel and throw it over it and take it out that way... you can do that with birds...

So I go get a towel.

...but what if it bites me.

"I want to drink your blood!!"

hmmmmm... perhaps I need leather gloves (off to the basement for leather gloves)

So now, armed with Leather Gloves and an old towel, I stand above the bat ready to vanquish the foe....

...what if I don't get a good seal and he/she flies at me.

...sit back down and think about it...

...some more

...perhaps the can is the best approach...

...tick, tock, tick, tock.

...no, definately the towel!

Again, poised above the bat, looking for any sign of movement...

..OK, I am officially a total pussy... I am an intellegent, successful adult totally imobilized by this little flying mouse (OK, to be fair, this was a big sucker, had to have a foot and a half wingspan).

...so I sit down again.

..and I stand up and get ready...

...and I sit down again.

It is now 4:00 AM

Goddammit.... I am a pussy, I should just get this over with and get to bed. I need a beer to calm me down.

*glug, glug, glug*

..OK, ready now... poised above the bat...

...AHHHHHHH

...sit down again...

OK, damn it, this is it! ..inches away... ready to go...

*sigh*

perhaps the bucket is the better idea

(now normally when you do this, the bat gets REALLY pissed...even stunned... so I'm prepared for tons of squaking....)

Bucket over bat (*whew, that's done*), Cardboard in, and slide...bat in the box! WOO HOO!!

(not a single squeek)

...it was alseep. I bored it to sleep. Here I am freaking out, and the damn bat is sleeping.

*sigh*

Safely released, the house is now bat free.

..And I, victorious in battle, celebrate!

...I am officially a pussy.

*sigh*


Unknown "Not For Sale!!!" Seductive - 16 years, 2 months, 17 days ago