Woke up. Fought off another alien spider/mouse attack. Went back to sleep.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz prrrrprrrprrprrrzzzzzzzz
Unknown "Wadey" Uncertain - 16 years, 8 months, 25 days ago

Yaaay! My mistress haz saved me from a life of BONDAGE!

Here's how it started: I was hanging out near the skip, chewing on a dead mouse, when I someone came along and put a bocks down in front of me. I went over to investigate and got in the bocks as you do, and then the MUTHA FUNSTA closed it up!!!1!1!! :-O

It had holes in it so I could breathE, and was full of kitty toys and blankets, but that wasn't going to compensate me for my FREEDOM! so I started wailing and waaaawing, they put the bocks into a street cat warmer, I mean car, and drove off with me in it!

When I was let out I was in a strange howse, so I ran around and looked at my kidnapper accusingly, then did a crap on the floor. That'll show him!

And so my captivity began. I was locked in the howse "to stop me getting all confused and being run over". Grrr! There were no meeces, just some kitty kibbles (not that I cared), and then just as I was becoming despaired the door opened and it was MISTRESS!!11!!1

She bought me back for 441 points and took me all the way home with a snap of her magic handbag (why not?) and fed me Meow-Meow-Mix and let me out to go and kill something. HOORAY!!!!1!1!

Unknown "Wadey" Uncertain - 16 years, 8 months, 27 days ago

I am sorry to say that I am a POORLY CAT today - my nose is all wet and I'm doing little dignified sniffs to try and avoid dripping snot everywhere.

This hasn't stopped all the other cats meowing and caterwauling outside though - bastards! I'd love to go out and play, but I'm actually so ill that I've even lost my feline poise and wossname. I actually fell off something earlier! mRrRAAAoooWWW! that really pisses me off.

But then maybe I'll feel better and will be able to join the other cats on the tiles tonight - we'll have to wait and see.

* Grumpy purring sound *

Unknown "Wadey" Uncertain - 16 years, 9 months ago

ZOMG! I've just been CREEPED OUT! Time to MIAOW at and fight whatever entity is responsible!

[Miaows into empty space and tries to scratch a non-existant person, then looks CONFUZED!]

:animals/animal0048.gif:

It's a damn good thing those stupid humanz have me around, I'll tell ya. They'd be completely infested with evil ghosts and bizzare extra-dimensional aliens if it wasn't for cats like me, taking time to be creeped out and miaw at and fight these invisible demons!

As ever, no charge but some fresh blood and Whiskas is always appreciated. MRAOW! Purrrrr purr purrrpurrrpurrrrrrrr

PS:

Now I have been fed VODKA! Yaaaaaay!

*Rolls around drunkenly near the litter tray.*
Unknown "Wadey" Uncertain - 16 years, 9 months, 2 days ago

What can I say. Miaowed at my human for ten whole minutes before she got the hint and let me out. What do they think the words "ME-OUT! ME-OUT!" mean, anyway? Honestly, they're so stupid they don't even understand you when you talk to them in their own language. Tch'oh!

Today was interesting - that nasty cat from No. 32 came again so I fighted him and he went away with his tail between his legs. Ha!

Then it RAINDED all over my nice white fluffy fur, so I had to seek shelter underneath a parked car. It was nice and warm at first but then some stupid bugger had to go and drive off in it! leaving me to wake up covered in exhaust fumes and in the middle of a freezing hail of shit-rain. Don't they know that parked cars are exclusively for the use of cats as rain shelters / sunbeds? STUPID HUMANZ!!11!

Anyway, after all that excitement it was time I went home - my human hadn't put a cat flap in, despite my repeated ORDERS to do so ASAP, so I had to stand around on the door miawoing for MINUTES on end while the dopey creature got it together to open it the hell up and let me in. For Pete's sake!

Had my tea and played with my human for a bit - it said in the paper that they need the excercise or they will become inattentive and put on weight. You do have to look after them or they will go to seed, believe me!

Then went to sleep before typing this. Got to go urgently now - bed time.

Bye bye folks!
Unknown "Wadey" Uncertain - 16 years, 9 months, 3 days ago