My boss is selling four Iron Maiden tickets for Saturday 5th July at Twickenham Stadium. He paid £50 each and he wants just half od that. Let me know if you would like them.
Unknown "Spirit Inside" - 16 years, 5 months, 4 days ago

For those of you who SHOULD be working this afternoon and are office-based, I thought these office dares might help to cheer up an otherwise dull Monday afternoon.

One-Point Dares
1. Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.
2. To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.
3. Leave your fly open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way".
4. Walk sideways to the photocopier.
5. While going in an elevator, gasp dramatically each time the doors open.
6. When in elevator with one other person, tap them on the shoulder and pretend it wasn't you.
Three-Point Dares
1. Say to your boss, "I like your style", wink, and shoot him with double-barreled fingers.
2. Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle.
3. Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
4. Every time you get an email, shout ''email''.
5. Keep hole punching your finger. Each time you do, shout, "dagnamit, it's happened again!". Then do it again.
6. Introduce yourself to a new colleague as "the office bicycle". Then wink and pout.
Five-Point Dares
1. At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).
2. Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
3. For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Dave".
4. Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do a number two".
5. During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.
6. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
7. Sign or p.p. all letters with your initials and a swastika.
8. Dry hump the photocopier. When someone spots you, stop and cough embarrassingly, then lean in to the machine and whisper loudly, "I'll see you tonight".



Unknown "Spirit Inside" - 16 years, 6 months, 10 days ago

After an exhaustive review of the research avaialble, here's the final word on nutrition and health.:

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
4. Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
5. Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
6. The French eat foie-gras, full fat cheese and drink red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.


Unknown "Spirit Inside" - 16 years, 6 months, 23 days ago

STOP CHOKING - AUSSIE STYLE

A woman sitting in an Adelaide restaurant suddenly began to cough. After a few seconds it became apparent that she was in real distress, and two locals, Kenzie and Brian sitting at the next table turned to look at her.

Kin ya swaller? asked Kenzie

The woman signalled 'No!', desperately shaking her head.

Kin ya breathe? asked Brian. The woman shook her head No!!!

With that, Kenzie walked behind her, lifted up the back of her dress, yanked down her knickers and ran his tongue up and down the crack
of her *rse.

This shocked the woman into such a violent spasm that the obstruction flew out of her mouth and she began to breathe again.

Kenzie swaggered back to his table and took a deep swig of his beer.

Brian said in admiration Ya know Kenzie, I'd heard of that Hind Lick Manoeuvre, but that's the first time I ever seen somebody do it.

Unknown "Spirit Inside" - 16 years, 6 months, 28 days ago

Darwin Award winners announced

An alcoholic who died after giving himself a sherry enema has won the 2007 Darwin Award.

The Darwin Awards commemorate those who improve the gene pool by accidentally removing themselves from it.

The 58-year-old Texan couldn't ingest alcohol by mouth because of painful medical problems with his throat.

He took to taking alcohol by enema instead but died after taking two 1.5 litre bottles of sherry.

First runners-up, and Double Darwin winners, were a young South Carolina couple, both 21, found naked and dead in the road in the early hours. Police were initially baffled, until they found two sets of neatly folded clothes on top of a nearby building with a pyramid-shaped roof.

Other runners-up included:
An East German man who electrocuted himself when he tried to get rid of moles by pounding metal rods into the ground and connecting them to a high-voltage power line.
A West Virginia man who was crushed while dismantling a rundown barn. He fired up his chainsaw and ripped through a crucial support post, bringing down the whole structure on himself.

An Illinois man who won a game of chicken to see who could stay on a railway line the longest in the path of an oncoming train.

And a 29-year-old computer tutor who was killed in California while driving and working on his laptop at the same time. He was killed by oncoming traffic.
Unknown "Spirit Inside" - 16 years, 8 months, 22 days ago