"I heard this lady say “I love kids.” That’s nice, a little weird though. It’s like saying “I like people, for a little while.” “How old are you? 14? Fuck off!” You can say “I love kids” as a general statement, that’s fine. It’s when you get specific that you get in to trouble. “I love twelve-year-olds.” - Demetri Martin
Unknown "Me" Loyal - 17 years, 23 days ago

"A quick way to start a conversation is to say something like “What’s your favorite color?” A quick way to end a conversation is to say something like “What’s your favorite color…person?” - Demetri Martin
Unknown "Me" Loyal - 17 years, 23 days ago

"If you have a pear shaped body, you should not wear pear colored clothes, or act juicy. " - Demetri Martin
Unknown "Me" Loyal - 17 years, 23 days ago

"Graffiti… I don’t like graffiti, unless it teaches me something, you know? Like “Oh, that’s how Alex feels about Maria. I wouldn’t have known if I had not walked by there, thank you.” Graffiti’s the most passionate literature there is, you know? It’s always like “Bush sucks!”, “U2 Rocks!”. I want to make indifferent graffiti. “Toy Story 2 was okay!” “I like Sheryl as a friend, but I’m not sure about taking things further”, “This is a bridge!”, “That guy’s right!” - Demetri Martin
Unknown "Me" Loyal - 17 years, 23 days ago

"I think it would be cool, if you were writing a ransom note in Microsoft Word, and it popped up, the paperclip and said, “It looks like you’re writing a ransom note… need some help? You should curse more.” The paperclip would be all messed up, you know? I never saw a paperclip with tattoos before. - Demetri Martin
Unknown "Me" Loyal - 17 years, 23 days ago