Well my tales are caled blog entries ... and my last one was pretty morose and saddening. I was bitter and twisted that particular day so peraps i shall find something else ... less painful ;)

Ahah! How about this ...

Someting I wrote a loooooooooooong while ago ;)

Title: My thursday epiphany!
Date: 2004-04-29 @ 12:37
Security: public
Mood: silly

Hi guys .....

Been doing a great deal of thinking lately ...
and perhaps even ruminating far too much on specific matter ...

My busy thoughts have all seemed to coalesce now and I’m left with words dancing patterns in my head, heart and soul ...

They’re words i heard in a movie last night ... eXceptionally profound ... and thought provoking.

“Some people enter our lives destined to leave, and no matter how hard we hold onto them, we may only slow them down but never hold them back.”

It seems almost cruel if you think about it? We don’t want to entrap a small defenceless animal and cage them, yet ... at the thought of “losing” someone, we quickly and carefully ambush their hearts (or at least TRY to) ... hoping to “keep” them all to ourselves.

It’s the concept of “let the bird free” really, and yet it seems so easy written there in black on white ..... put it into practice though and what have you got? Stalkers, obsessives and some damn right nutters cos what you really wanna do is Let the bird free …yeh ;) but I’ll just clip the wings a little first!!!

Hey, not putting them down ... we all have the tendency to “lose it” if you will. The heart makes us do some peculiar and freaky things at the best of times!

I’ve been there myself ...
Aaaaaaah yes, that mad encounter with knock-me-over-blow-me-down “love” .......... passionate, impetuous, fiery, impulsive, intense and downright ..... sickening to the people around you! The ones who cannot fathom the intensity of such an OBVIOUSLY obsessive pastime ;)

It’s a feeling of complete and utter Euphoria ... floating, if you will, through fields of brightly coloured flowers, sweet scents wafting nonchalantly through the warm breeze ... enticing and titillating every iota of you; taste buds to skin cells ......... *shiver*
*aah yes, ?love?* ...

As the faint sound of a boxing ring bell heightens in my ears i am drawn back into reality ... *poof*

Now, perhaps it is just me, but i have yet to understand why this “natural high” departs ??? *“GIVE ME MORE DRUGS“* ... And it isn’t always from both sides?!!! In fact, more often than not, it is one party who decides that the romance has hit rock bottom ... and it is very rarely that he/ she decides to revive it.

And ... at the thought or prospect of this occurring, everyone becomes a zoo-keeper (or a 100 pound Mafioso called Bruno with a desire to pin you to a wall using serrated hand-cuffs) :) ... n-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-c-e ... *nervous grin*

Why is this? I mean, in hindsight, i can SEE clearly that i didn’t own him, nor the other weirdos in my life, similarly own me ... yet for some bizarre and obscure reason those rose-tinted glasses seemed to hinder the reality of the situation ....

“chick it’s over!!!!” simple ;)

I guess it is man’s eternal desire to OWN and keep ...... no one likes to lose, no one enjoys loss ..... no one likes to think that they are somehow less than what they are supposed to be ......... and appear like some glowing failure in the dark night ... a beacon of incompetence if you will.

Yet, we actually aren’t ..... (ok, bare in mind I’ve grown from these past experiences so anyone who hasn’t felt the above might not understand the lessons learnt) ...
Besides the mad love, the passionate in-betweens, the heartbreaking break-up and the dark and sinister vengeful thoughts afterwards ..... what we can say is:

DAMN, i experienced all that! Me and ONLY me ;)

I’m not saying that we should all walk out of relationships with a skip in our step and a glint in our eye (although some of us definitely should - i can say this after meeting some “special” guys out there ;) lol) ...
it’s really daft if you think that this is the way we can all end a relationship ............. cos whoever said, “tis better to have loved and lost ... blah blah blah’ was completely poetic and drugged up but RIGHT! ;) ... it IS difficult and it IS a hard lesson to learn ..... but heck ... it IS worth it ;) ... even to feel the jubilation for an iota of a second .....

Don’t you agree?

Yet, whoever said love was a constant battle kinda put it into perspective if you ask me .......... it is a fight of passion .... a war of wills ..... a skirmish of 2 minds hoping to both move together into the future, in the same direction. Difficult - yes! Worth it - hell YES!!! and if, unfortunately the 2 directions meander off and both lose sight of each other ........ then so begins our next journey ;) ... All exciting if you put it into context really. Choice: Do i back-track or veer off my path to return to this “love” or do i find another who is walking a similar path to mine ........... interesting?
One thing is for certain though, as hard as you try to shackle your partner to a dog lead and try to drag him/ her along behind you ... it is going to make your path a whole lot more difficult to pursue. There will be more bumps to contend with as you haul your partner’s @ss over the rocks in your path, and kicking the poor sod only hinders the pace at which you move along ;)

So we compromise if it is worth it ... yes? ;)

And so i say it again, my lungs filled with gusto ....... Aaaaaaaah love!
Would i do it all again ... yes ;) - (oh, not with the same one of course ... we’ve made our choice in this department ... I’ve had enough fun trying to haul that one over a nice cobblestone path) lol! ... but to feel those few moments again ......... yes, without a doubt ... and i cannot wait to feel the circle; Mad love - pain - realisation ... it all makes for one interesting life until we can find someone who equally shares out the @ss hauling ;)
I bet you’re also wondering about that “let the bird free” concept ......... If it were to happen again would i let it free? Yip! Besides ... there are so many “foxes”, “wolves” and “eagles” out there ;) ........ the bird can be left to its own devices :) hehehe ...

Until then, of course, we hop, skip and dance through “singledom” as if it were a God-send ;) ........
I’m off to do some dancing now ;) ha ha ...
but that’s a WHOLE other e-mail ;)

Till next time i have an epiphany of sorts ;)
Njoy the ride ...
luv Bo*

Unknown "Selecta" Sad - 16 years, 2 months, 16 days ago